The Mayor

This is kind of funny. Well… it’s not funny in a conventional sense, but it’s atypical, and it’s interesting. So not necessarily funny, but its something. If you can come up with a proper adjective, feel free to comment.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom admitted yesterday to having an affair with Ruby Rippey-Tourk (his campaign manager’s wife.) Here’s an article.

Newsom’s election in 2003 was national news because it made him one of the youngest mayors in the country. When I first saw pictures of him, I distinctly remember noticing his hair and thinking that he had to be a playboy.

That is serious hair.

Now this is the real deal. That's hair you'd like to see in HD.

This is him posing with his ex-wife not long before their divorce.

(Keep in mind that this is the mayor of a major city. Not many guys in any profession will lay down like that in front of a camera for you) It’s almost like a call to all women, “Ladies, if you play your cards right, the only thing separating your left boob from a Persian rug could be my cupped hand.”

So obviously, without any knowledge of this affair, all signs point to Newsom being a playboy and big time poon hound. Look at that hair! Seriously, scroll up and look at it again. Lets not kid ourselves here, not many guys can pull that off. I can think of a few famous people: Pat Reilly, Gordon Gecko, Mel Kiper Jr. and Steve Lavin. Your average person might know one guy who can get away with it. Tops. (Most guys who can get away with it, either don’t know it, or don’t have the courage to do it. That’s why the stars really have to align for a guy to pull it off)

You don’t forget a head of hair like that. This is a picture I took of Steve Lavin at the final four last year. I’m not one to get star-struck for anyone, but I proudly admit that I'll stop to admire a fine head of hair.

I had been drinking for many hours when I took this, but I still had the wherewithal to snap that picture. And I’m a heterosexual male. Just try to imagine what happens to women when they see a head of hair like that!

I decided to read up a little more on Newsom and his lover. I'll summarize this story about a San Francisco Neighborhood Center’s annual fundraiser in 2005. Immediately you notice Newsom’s picture on the left. As soon as you see him, you notice the extra two inches of chest that he’s got on display for the cameras and people in attendance. Hugh Grant barely gets away with that.

Is that the mayor of a major city, or a nightclub owner? He’s one button away from flashing an occasional nipple. Is it "even money" that he shaves his chest? or am I just getting 20 cents on the dollar for that? Why doesn’t he just wear a t-shirt, and have tattoos on display?

Ok, so the story reads,

“Mayor Gavin Newsom joined us during the cocktail hour to chat with guests, and donated a private tour of his office and an autographed Armani tie for the Live Auction.”

Am I just stating the extremely obvious here by saying that I want to be this guy? He only showed up for the cocktail hour! Once the liquor stops flowing, the Mayor gets going...

And he autographed an Armani tie for the auction. For some reason I can’t imagine the bidding getting too frenzied for an Armani tie autographed by Richard Daley.

Ruby’s name is not mentioned in the story

But I didn’t give up. Go back to the story and scroll down until you see a picture of two women on the left side of the page. Look at the blond in the white shirt. There is no caption, but if you right click on it and select ‘save as’, you’ll see that the name of the picture is “Ruby Tourk & KatherineMunter-aprroved.JPG.” Bingo.

This happened in 2005. So what do you think? Was this the night of their first encounter? Had one of them already been putting moves on the other? Could the affair have already been going strong at that point? Who was chasing who? I’m inclined to think that she was after him. (For Newsom, women like that are probably a dime a dozen. But a head of hair like that on a man is a once in a lifetime opportunity for any woman.)

Thats Ruby's husband on the left

I did some more research. According to this article, the affair happened about a year and a half ago. The Neighborhood Center fundraiser was from May of 2005! That night might have been the night. Its possible that within a few hours of that picture being taken, Newsom took her back to his penthouse, put on Rod Stewart “Tonight’s the Night”, and made sweet love to her for the first time.

First I tried to imagine Ruby’s pickup line for the Mayor. She might have walked up to him after a couple of cosmos and said,

Ruby - Hey Gavin, I've wanted to tell you for a long time,, that your hair reminds me of my husband's chest.. and your chest, it reminds me of my husband's head.

Mayor – Ruby, what are you trying to say to me?

Ruby – Gavin,,, I’m trying to say that I want you to take me to your penthouse, put on Rod Stewart “Tonight’s the Night” and make sweet love to me.

Mayor – (slips her a card with only a phone number on it) Dial this number and say “the condor flies tonight.” Then give the man your location and a town car will pick you up in 5 minutes.

Ruby - ...

Mayor - When the car arrives; give two knocks on the trunk, two knocks on the passenger side window, and then don't start moving towards the back door until you hear the driver unlock the doors.

Or if it was in fact the Mayor approaching her, I picture Ruby at the bar ordering a drink:

Bartender – What’ll it be?

Ruby – I’ll just have a diet coke

(The Mayor walks up to the bar)

Mayor – Two Belvedere martinis please.

Bartender – Would you like olives with those?

Mayor – I’ll have olives in mine. (turns to Ruby) Do you want olives in yours?

(Pause. As she realizes what he’s doing)

Ruby – You wanna get me a martini?

Mayor – If you wanna play ball, I’ll get you a whole hell of a lot more than a martini.

I labored over how aggrssive his line would be in that situation,

- More reserved could have sounded something like this;

Ruby – You wanna get me a martini?

Mayor - Why? Do you see something else that you want?

- More aggressive could have sounded something this;

Ruby – You wanna get me a martini?

Mayor - Bitch if you wanna play ball, I’ll get you a whole hell of a lot more than a martini.

Kind of makes you think about who won that private tour of his office that night