random stuff about TV (and requisite tangents)

One bonus of staying with my parents over Thanksgiving was having access to their cable tv.

I watched an interview with Sarah Palin, and it really made me feel sorry for her. It seems like she's in way over her head. In addition to her obvious deficiencies, remember when her 17 year-old daughter (Bristol) got pregnant out of wedlock during the 2008 campaign?

That couldn't have sat well with Palin's conservative base. And just imagine how her advisors took the news.

Here's a serious question: Upon learning that 17 year-old Bristol Palin was pregnant out of wedlock, what percentage of Sarah Palin's advisors wanted to spin the story by claiming that Bristol's Palin's child had been immaculately conceived?

(25%?)

(40%?)

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I watched part of a Science Channel program about the Earth's atmosphere, and it made me want to learn about chemistry. I watch Planet Earth all the time and it makes me want to learn about biology.

Maybe high school science classes should be taught with the goal of simply sparking a student's interest in science -- as opposed to going in-depth. (Memorizing the periodic table meant nothing to me.) It didn't seem like we spent enough time learning about how the different fields of science can teach us about the world around us.

Teachers should save the details for college. High school science should be more fun.

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I saw a bunch of Blockbuster video commercials that went like this: First, customers were told they had to wait 28 days for a table at a restaurant, then other customers were told they had to wait 28 days for a delayed flight, and then the punch-line: "You wouldn't wait 28 days for a table, so why wait 28 days to watch a newly released movie? Blockbuster gets new releases 28 days before Netflix and Redbox. So why wait?"

Are people that impatient?

A Netflix subscriber has access to practically every movie ever made, so they can probably find something to watch during those 28 days. I watched Annie Hall on Netflix for the first time last week (and it came out 33 years ago.) There's plenty of stuff to hold people over for 28 measly days.

I hope Blockbuster can find a better advantage to emphasize.

If you really want to feel like you're being patronized, watch the commercials during a football game. You'd think that all American men want to drive big powerful trucks and drink light beer.

I wonder what marketing works on me.

(How about the two colons in the first sentence of this section?)

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I'm a snob.

For a man who's accomplished nothing in his life, I'm incredibly arrogant.

I'm almost unbelievably arrogant.

It's really pretty funny.

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My favorite feature on my parent's cable is the ability to rewind and slow down what I just watched.

My second favorite feature is On-Demand.

And it's crazy how you can just record a show and save it on your cable box!

How do people with cable get anything done?

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I think that the Blockbuster commercial really stuck out for me because I've become borderline obsessed with the Netflix app on my phone. (I watched a few movies on it last week.)

Quick notes on a few documentaries in case you're in the mood for one:

No End in Sight: About the war in Iraq, I recommend it. The thesis is unique in the sense that it doesn't argue that sending troops into Iraq to overthrow Saddam Hussein was terrible idea, rather it shows how poorly every aspect of the invasion was handled.

I'd recommend it over documentaries like War Made Easy and Fahrenheit 911, because it doesn't necessarily portray the administration as unimaginably corrupt and evil, it simply portrays them as being extremely incompetent and stupid (and imaginably corrupt.)

(Why We Fight is also a good war documentary)

South of the Border is short series of interviews with Socialist leaders of South American countries. I don't know how socialist governments actually work -- is the line drawn at land ownership? is Denmark considered socialist? -- but whether you agree with it or not, the film demonstrates that Socialism is a growing movement in South America.

Other docs I highly recommend:

Cocaine Cowboys -- about the role of cocaine in building Miami's economy (interesting economics lesson, plus lots of drug smuggling/war stories)
Tyson -- about Mike Tyson
American Pimp -- about urban pimps
Bigger, Stronger, Faster -- about steroid use in America (but also a cultural commentary)
Deep Water -- about a relatively novice sailor who enters a competition to sail around the world
Food Inc. -- about the perils of industrial agriculture

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New addition to the blogroll: I just learned that my friend's dad has a blog, and it's pretty good. He's a longtime newsman (I think he's the best newsman in the city, this is his show) and you can tell he's an experienced newsman because his blog entries are very short and well written, and they touch on random topics of interest.

(again about me being a snob: I'M CALLING HIM THE BEST NEWSMAN IN THE CITY, AND THEN IN THE SAME SENTENCE I HAVE THE NERVE TO ASSURE MY READERS THAT HIS POSTS ARE "WELL WRITTEN")

(NO SHIT!! OF COURSE THEY'RE WELL WRITTEN!!)

WHO AM I TO COMMENT ON THE QUALITY OF PHIL PONCE'S WRITING????????

I'd probably get down on my knees and beg him for any kind of job on his show (except for cleaning bathrooms) (but I'd bring him coffee and pick up his dry-cleaning and do that sort of stuff) (shining his shoes and giving him massages is probably around the area where I'd consider drawing the line) and yet here I am, assuring people who can sit through my blog, that this man -- who is nothing less than a Chicago journalism icon -- has blog posts that are "well written"

Man, I might need to check into some kind of arrogance therapy. Is there such a thing arrogance management classes? 

Am I just an asshole?

Is it that simple?

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Serious suggestion:

A female co-worker (Ena) was going on today about how she wants to take part in a program that uses female volunteers to hold orphaned children. She was very eager to do this.

And at that moment it struck me what women should do if they really want to help out the less fortunate.

If a woman truly wants to help the less fortunate, she should take off her clothes and dance for them.

I know, I know, trust me, I know how that sounds.

But what would bring a bigger smile to a homeless man's face than a woman's bare ass shaking in front of it?

Listen, I know that this idea couldn't be less politically correct, and I know it's probably not going to change the course of these homeless men's lives, but you've gotta admit, it'll probably be something that they'll never forget.

Maybe we can make it a charity that collects money and then hires professional strippers to dance for homeless men (and women).

("Maybe we can make it a charity..."  apparently you're in this with me.)

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If you're in the mood to read about something fucked up

...

It's getting late and I want to go to sleep, but I really don't want to end this post with that "If you're in the mood to read about something fucked up" section.

Rocky Balboa

I was drinking with a couple of friends the other night when all of the sudden one of them got very serious and turned to me and said, “Hey. You know what we’ve gotta do Wednesday night? Watch Rocky Balboa.”

In my mind I'd been trying to avoid the subject. But deep down, I knew he was right.

(Warning: This post may give away some of Rocky Balboa. But seriously, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if there’s really anything I can “give away” about this movie)

I’ve never cried to Rocky or anything, but I’ve watched all five (and enjoyed I - VI.) One time I made my mixed doubles tennis partner come to my dorm-room before a match and listen to "Eye of the Tiger" and “There’s No Easy Way Out”, so needless to say, Sly has earned my $8.50.

My expectations, obviously, were low. Not because Sly is almost as old as my dad, but because Sly looks almost as old as my dad. (Sean Connery was ~70 in Entrapment, he was so old that I wouldn’t have been surprised if the ending of the movie was simply Connery’s character dying of old age. But he -- and I hesitate to say this, but he -- pretty much pulled it off. Although he wasn't fist fighting with 25 year olds)

As soon as I stepped into the theater it hit me: not only was this a big crowd, not only was this a big opening night crowd, but this was a big opening night ROCKY crowd! Without a doubt, it was going to be a once in a lifetime scene. People were genuinely excited. People started cheering and clapping when the movie started, and it took some restraint on my part to not stand up and shout, “I’ve been waiting 16 fucking years for this!” I could tell that there were plenty of guys there who wanted to shout something like that themselves, and I regret not doing it because it would have given them the green light to make some more obnoxious noise of their own. (I even suggested it to my friend (Moon), who was busy text messaging during the previews, which was clearly annoying the guy sitting next to us by himself) (I could just picture the conversation that guy had with his wife before leaving for the movie, “Honey, I’m going to go watch Rocky, and wait, before you even say anything… not only do I not care if you don’t want to come, but I’d almost prefer that you didn’t come.”) There was a lot of cheering during the movie, the loudest of which came -- of course -- when “Gonna Fly Now” kicked in as Rocky’s training montage began.

The fight scene had its moments too. Not so much for Stallone’s believability, but more for how much Antonio Tarver (his opponent) made viewers believe he was really surprised by Rocky’s toughness (which almost sold Rocky’s toughness.) However, the fight scene may have been the most edited scene in the history of film. You just can’t show those two standing next to eachother for more than a second or two, it looks too ridiculous.

And I’m not too big of a man to admit that I felt something at the end. I wasn’t crying or anything, but I felt something.

I really wanted the movie to work. I really did. I was constantly trying to make myself believe that heavyweight champ (Mason Dixon, played by Tarver) would agree to fight Rocky. But the writers made this very difficult for a rational person to believe. They opened the film with a scene establishing that although Dixon was the undefeated/undisputed heavyweight champ, he was very unpopular with boxing fans because he hadn’t fought any legitimate opponents. (They didn’t establish this subtly. In the first scene, fans were throwing things at Dixon, and announcers repeated over and over that the fans hated him because hadn’t fought anyone tough) 

So naturally, to gain credibility, he agrees to fight a 60 year old Rocky Balboa.

Fighting Balboa will somehow prove to the fans and critics that he’s not dodging tough opponents?

Dixon’s handlers talk him into taking the fight by saying how much money it’ll make him. That part could have also been believable if not for an earlier scene showing a party Dixon’s lavish mansion with his fleet of luxury cars in the driveway. And while the party was a party going on inside, Dixon -- apparently uninterested in all of the nice things around him -- was shooting hoops outside by himself. On top of that, they had a heartwarming scene where Dixon went back to his original trainer -- in the old neighborhood -- and told him how he wanted to get back to his roots and prove his critics wrong. The trainer even said to him, “the most important type of respect, is self respect.” A few scenes later Dixon was at a press conference talking about fighting a guy who could have dated his grandmother. A guy who’s last professional fight was in the USSR. A guy who might test positive for steroids because he needs them to breathe. 

I really wanted to believe in the plot. I really did! But they made it very difficult. The writing was surprisingly bad.

Another problem I had with this movie was that Dixon didn't come off as a villain. Rocky IV was so great because we hated Ivan Drago. But Dixon didn’t do anything to draw our hatred like Drago. In fact, his character was pretty redeeming.

Then, about halfway through the movie, it hit me: the villain shouldn’t have been Mason Dixon, it should have been Mike Tyson! The real Mike Tyson. Not only would Tyson have been a great villain, but it would have been a lot more believable for Rocky to fight an aging Mike Tyson than the current heavyweight champ.

For about 20 minutes, I sat there thinking I was a genius. But then right before the final fight scene, they actually showed Tyson sitting in the stands, as if to say, “look, for those of you who think we should have used Tyson as the villain; listen, we thought about that too, but trust us, its not going to work. There are forces at play here that you don’t understand.” I understood the message.

There were a couple of long passionate monologues by Rocky that just didn’t seem to fit in with the rough and tough Rocky character. During the second one I actually thought that maybe Sly was using it to show people in Hollywood that he can still act. It was like he was saying, “Listen, I could have been the dad in Meet the Parents, or the president in Independence Day. Just because I’m too old to box, doesn’t mean I’m to old to act.”

I liked the choice of casting an obscure leading lady. Watching Rocky trying to charm Renee Ruso or Susan Sarandon wouldn’t have felt right. But then again, watching Rocky trying to charm anyone is painfully awkward enough. (I like that about Rocky)

In conclusion:

- If you’ve seen the first 5 Rocky movies - you should go watch Rocky Balboa

- If you’ve only seen the first 4 Rocky movies - you should say “fuck it” and go watch Rocky Balboa

- If you’ve never seen any of the Rocky movies, watch I – IV, skip V, and then watch Balboa

Because even with all of the complaining I’ve done here, it's still pretty good. It's still Rocky.