reads

Here are my favorite reads from the last couple of weeks

No one will confuse part 1 of this series on Donald Rumsfeld with a puff piece to set up Rummy's 2016 presidential campaign. On one hand we've read a lot of this before, but this had enough new nuggets to where I didn't want it to end.

This article about last meals served to death row inmates satisfied some of my morbid curiosities and also got me thinking about the death penalty. (And I think I'm in favor of the death penalty. If someone murdered my wife, or sister, or mom, not only would I want them executed, but I might want to do it myself.)

I wasn't sure whether I'd get into this story about an annual thoroughbred auction in Lexington, but I couldn't stop reading.

The plight of aging boxers through the story of Manny Pacquiao.

Joyce Carol Oates reviews Mike Tyson's memoir, hilarity ensues.

I agree with pretty much everything Mark Kleiman thinks about legalizing marijuana.

If you enjoyed Exit Through the Gift Shop and are interested in the ridiculousness of the art world, you might like this story.

From that story:

The following image is of a painting by Christopher Wool called Apocalypse Now.

("Sell the house, sell the car, sell the kids" is a quote from the film)

Guess how much it sold for at auction last month?

Answer to come.

This summarizes a debate in public education -- and it's no mystery which view the author favors. If you're not interested in the subject, it might be worth reading solely to enjoy the author's clear bias.

A week in the life of Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh - he sleeps in his office most nights.

If you're interested in the past, present, and future of the self driving car,

Detailed story on the Sam Hurd drug case that paints Hurd in an almost unbelievably favorable light. (Putting a first time offender like Hurd in prison for 15 years for a non-violent drug offense should be a criminal act.)

A reporter spends a late-summer day with Brett Favre in 2010.

The rise and fall of a former writer for Roseanne. Amongst other things, it might get you thinking about whether China is onto something with it's family planning policy.

I'm not sure what I think about this story written by a woman who spends a weekend at an orgasm industry conference. A bit weird, maybe

Ok, are you ready for the answer to the question I asked above?

How much did this painting sell for at auction last month?

Answer:

$26,500,000

This collection of anecdotes from a former book publisher is borderline dull, but worth a sniff if you're interested in the topic (and one of the stories is about one of my favorite books.)

How about some movies I watched recently?

I enjoyed Catching Fire. (I liked the first Hunger Games book, but felt they got progressively worse.) (I think the second two books could have been condensed into one.) (I may have already blogged about this) Anyway, Catching Fire the movie might be better than the book.

I also watched The Campaign. Cindy's cousin randomly flipped to it and we had no idea what it was, but I couldn't stop watching. For those of you who like political campaign humor: it's not going to change your life, but you'll get some laughs.

I'm reading The Devil in The White City, and while it's interesting at times, overall I'm finding it surprisingly dull. I'm not even halfway through, so I imagine it'll get better once things start coming together, but based on the first 150 pages, I wouldn't recommend it.

An example of how The Devil in The White City isn't really doing it for me: I could be reading it right now, but I chose to stop reading and write this blog entry.

And I'm aware that my blog has been shit lately. But don't worry, I'll eventually get back to writing the beautiful prose that has kept you coming back.

some reads

My favorite reads of the week so far:

How a Football Team Falls Apart - I really enjoyed this excerpt from a book about 2011 New York Jets. (And I'm definitely buying the book.)

Interview with George Clooney - Well-written and full of interesting tidbits from Clooney. (My favorite is the story about playing basketball with Leo DiCaprio.)

Is Miguel Cabrera the Hero of the Post Steroid Era - Short profile on Miggy. At one point the writer refers to sabermetrics and asks Miggy what he feels is the most important offensive statistic. (I like the answer.) I only wish this was longer and went into more detail about his approach at the plate -- though the detail it provides is great.

Thanksgiving in Mongolia - Incredibly brave writing. But do not read this if you have a weak stomach. (I'm serious.) It's a traumatizing read. (Zer, don't read this.)

Street Cop - profile on the new chair of the S.E.C. and reminder of how fucked up our financial system might be. 13 years ago I graduated with a degree in finance, but earlier this year I was talking to a guy who writes high-frequency-trading algorithms, and it was like we were speaking different languages. Rather than go into a diatribe about the state of finance (which I began but deleted), I'll say this: Those policing the industry are significantly underfunded compared to those whom they're supposed to be policing. (SEC Chairman makes $165,300/year, and their entire 2013 budget is about one-fifth of Goldman Sachs' 2012 net earnings.)

some quick long-reads (and quick book revision note)

I was on a project last week. Here are a few of my favorites:


I liked this interview with Justice Scalia in part because the interviewer seems well prepared, but in larger part because Scalia is weird.

After Scalia admits to believing in the Devil, they have the following exchange:

Isn’t it terribly frightening to believe in the Devil?You’re looking at me as though I’m weird. My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the Devil? I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the Devil! It’s in the Gospels! You travel in circles that are so, so removed from mainstream America that you are appalled that anybody would believe in the Devil! Most of mankind has believed in the Devil, for all of history. Many more intelligent people than you or me have believed in the Devil.

We had a short David Foster Wallace exchange on our fantasy football message board last week, so AC sent me this essay from 1996. I didn't expect to reread it because my reading list was backed up, but once I started I couldn't stop. Definitely one of my favorite DFW essays -- on some days you might get me to say it's my favorite. (This is the one that earned him my trust.)

You are invited to try to imagine what it would be like to be among the hundred best in the world at something. At anything. I have tried to imagine; it’s hard.

I wonder whether he believed himself to be one of the hundred best writers in the world when he wrote that sentence (it was published six months after Infinite Jest --- which I haven't read, and don't plan on reading until I'm a much stronger reader and a more mature and patient person.)

Mike Tyson writes a mini memoir in NY Magazine called My Life as a Young Thug. I only ask that you read the first section. If you read the first section and decide not to go on, then don't go in. (But my guess is that you will.)

Hambone directed me to this Rolling Stone article about Aaron Hernandez. It's almost worth reading solely for the new format on rollingstone.com. (It is also fun to come up with arguments Aaron Hernandez's attorney might make)

...

Book Revision note:

All of the formatting needs to be considered. It should be clear that the notes sections are different from the regular stories. And their titles should explain them better too

Book Postmortem - Second Revision

I've got today off so guess what I'm gonna do?

The second part that needs revising is the chapter towards the end called Notes On This Book. It feels a bit lopsided, so I'm going to try touching it up a bit.


I was in the Bay Area a couple weekends ago. Handsome Mike has the ultimate bachelor pad. It's hard to tell from this picture, but look at all the toys he has in this place.

Book Postmortem Day 4 - First Revision

The section called  Notes On Reading and Apathy (And Why I’m Not a Memoirist) has a lot of unnecessary memoiry shit. So rather include proof of why I'm not a memoirist AND identify it as such, I can just delete both. (pp1.5-3.5 should be deleted)

It saves ink. Saves paper. Saves the future reader's time. It saves energy.


I hadn't touched the book all week, but knew I'd eventually have to fix that part, so I opened it this morning and started going through it, and then I had lunch with Ponce who pointed out the same thing (his biggest critique so far -- he's on p128.) Perfect timing.

I haven't earned the right to do that kind of memoiring unless it's done better --- which is better than I'm capable of doing. (Which is a point I should make clearer in the dedication too.) (Consider that Revision #2)

(I got sidetracked because I wanted to defend high school english, and next thing I know I was meandering through my life story in terms of reading.)

Has anyone else read that part and have any feelings about it?


...


The bad news is I'm starting a project tomorrow.

This process is going to be weird.

I know that certain parts of the book need work, and I know that certain other parts probably need work, but I can't sit down and plow straight through them because I don't know how to fix them. I suspect that your reactions might show me how to fix them. Maybe you won't react at all; maybe some are not as bad as I think. It worked out perfectly today.


The added weirdness is now I've gotta think about the book in terms of an unknown reader. I've always thought of it being read by friendly readers. It's different to think about it being read by someone who doesn't know me.

Book Postmortem Day 3

I'd like to start an organization called Central Asian Looking Motherfuckers in Favor of Racial Profiling.

Waiting in airport security lines wastes human productivity unlike anything else. How many hijackers has TSA caught? How many bottles of lotion or water have they confiscated?

I understand the economic arguments. TSA employs a lot of people, and throwing away someone's shampoo forces them to buy a new bottle, but that doesn't make it right. Can't we find a better way to stimulate the economy?

So I, being a Central Asian looking motherfucker, volunteer to be racially profiled and thoroughly searched for weapons at the airport if it means we can let everyone else go. And it's not like I'm making a sacrifice and increasing my wait time to save everyone else. My wait will be shortened because despite being searched, I won't have to stand in the line. Plus it will show that Central Asian Looking Motherfuckers are willing to step up and do this country a favor.

And I suppose there are African terrorists now, so maybe black people should make the same sacrifice.

Search all weird looking motherfuckers. Just let the whites, hispanics, and asians go.

Although I suppose there have been white and asian mass shooters. So maybe we should check them too.

Let the hispanic people go. They're good hardworking people.

Book Postmortem Day 2

My project start date was pushed back again, so now I'm at home and unsure of what to do. Maybe it's time to get back to my roots and start blogging and bring this thing back to it's glory days. 

When was that?

78 posts in 2007 makes it my most prolific year. The greatest moment of this blog was probably early 2007 when Juice set the blog as his browser homepage.

I want to wait a week and get some feedback before taking a second look at my book. My only goal was to finish it. I figured if I completed a first draft and got the feeling it was worth reading, things would work themselves out. I suppose that working out is slowly beginning with the feedback I'll get from you.

What to do if I get some decent feedback and get motivated to try to polish and publish it, but it doesn't work out.

The thought of real lawyering makes me laugh. I can't tell whether I'd be good at it. I've hardly tried it. I remembered this story from a few years ago, i'll rewrite it now:

...


I got on the elevator going down and my co-worker Rick hustled on after me.

I noticed his suit and asked, “Court?”

“Yeah, traffic court for a friend. You?”

“Family law.”

He laughed. “Oh man, is it ugly?”

I thought about the case and shook my head. “They’re fighting over $10,000 in assets, and our client has already spent over $6,000 in legal fees.”

Rick laughed. “Classic.”

“I mean, if you’re fighting over $10,000, and a lawyer tells you he needs a $2,000 retainer just to get started... It’s truly ridiculous.”

As we approached the ground floor, the man standing behind us said, “Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I got divorced last year, and I’ll tell you what, I’d rather give all my money to the lawyer than let my ex-wife have a single penny of it.”

Book Preview Month Day 31

It ends up being exactly one month.

Let me know you'd like a copy. It'll be ready to send tomorrow morning.

First Draft Anticipation Day 30

My project got pushed back again, so I'm going to use tomorrow to work on this. It can't hurt. But after that the first draft will be complete. I'm out of town Thursday through Sunday, and the project starts Monday, and even if it gets pushed back again, a month of fairly diligent work on this book has been enough. At the very least I need a break from it.

I've had a couple conversations with a musician who frequents the same coffee shop, and we agreed on one thing today: artists need deadlines. I think it helped to post on here and remind myself of a deadline and work towards it. But, I suppose the counterpoint is that somethings need time to come together.

First Draft Countdown Days 27/28/29

I've got some things I'd like to blog about, but I'd rather work on the book since I have two days before I go back to work. I didn't do much over the weekend, so I've gotta start thinking about format and get everything into a file.

I'll say this before I go: Microsoft Word for the Mac is not without bugs.

Book Countdown Day 26!

Ok, good news and bad news:

The good news is my project start date got pushed back to Wednesday.

The bad news is it means I'm probably going to spend the extra time working on the book.

Everything has been written for a while. There's only one part I screwed up by taking a two page story I wrote few years ago on a very specific topic and accidentally turning it into a fifteen page memoir.  I'm trying to cut it down to a length that won't activate your gag reflex when reading it. (But for some fucking reason I still keep adding to it and can't stop myself. It's actually quite annoying.)

The other thing I'll work on is the format --- which I started last March but lost when my computer was stolen.

(The penalty for stealing computers should not be based on the value of the computer. It should be an extremely aggravated sentence that greatly stretches the limits of Eighth Amendment jurisprudence. It should include prison time plus a non-dischargeable civil penalty owed to the victims. And maybe even a flogging for good measure.)

First Draft Countdown Day 25

It's the home stretch.

Still don't have a title. But that can wait.

Don't have a cover. But that can wait.

Haven't really worked on the format either, but I'll work on that a little tomorrow and over the weekend.

But I start work on Monday, so I've gotta have something ready by the weekend.

Book Anticipation Day 24

I'm paying $170/month for a $2,000 deductible health insurance plan. The monthly rate has gone up considerably --- it was around $100/month when I signed up almost four years ago. I'm not sure how my rate compares to others, so I checked the Healthcare.gov website yesterday to see whether these new exchanges could help me find a lower monthly rate.

I figured there'd be some kinks in the system, and there were:

Uh..... Less than or more than what??

Working Title of the Day, I'm still kind of liking:

Notes From a Reasonably Prudent Man

Confessions of a Gentleman and Dispatches from the Rebellion are still sticking out. Pusillanimous Nights is always strong. Serious Prose for Serious People makes me laugh 100% of the time I think about it. The Redemption of Cyrus Irani is almost applicable. The Excuse for Cyrus Irani is even more applicable. The Case for Cyrus Irani: Selected Arguments from 2007-2012 makes me laugh too.

The problem with some of these titles is the funny ones are funnier when spoken, but in real life no one ever asks the title of my book.

Book Preview Month Day 23

The problem with Netflix is that I'm a season behind on Breaking Bad (and pretty much every other non-Netflix original show) and am forced to disengage myself from media to avoid spoilers. It's the only downside to Netflix.


I was talking to Hambone about working titles this morning, and we discussed a potentially obvious one:

Notes From a Prudent Man

Or maybe:

The Essential Notes From a Prudent Man

or

Notes from a Reasonably Prudent Man

I've always had a soft spot for the addition of reasonably before prudent. And I enjoy saying it out loud. I've said it out loud a couple of times to myself right now.

Or how about:

Notes from a Reasonably Prudent Man:  The Essential Notes from a Prudent Man

Book Preview Month Day 20/21/22

I have been granted a short extension.

I'm starting a new temp project next Monday, so I figured I might as well spend this week putting some finishing touches on the draft. Right? (Today I got nothing done. If anything I took a step backwards.)

Let me know if you planned your vacation for this week assuming you'd have the first draft in hand. If that's the case I'll send you a copy.

First Draft Preview Month Day 19

Today I wasn't wishing I was a scientist.

I'm not sure whether today's Official Working Title was The Official Working Title for more than a couple of minutes, but I'm on day 19 and titles are getting slim. (Although this was the most recent.)

You know, it was never the working title so I won't include it.

This next one was the working title for a few minutes in July:

I Don't Need Salt, I Need the Hope of Salt

Non-Salt Related Confessions of a Salt Addict

First Draft Countdown Day 18

Writing is weird. Some days I wish I was a scientist.

Ok, here's The Official Working Title of the Day:

Originality is The Biggest Cliche of Them All

(or maybe something along those lines)

First Draft Hype Day 17

My friend Baj is getting married next year and he has about 30 good friends from college and five of them are planning his bachelor party. I'm invited and am on the bachelor party email list.

The bachelor party involves flying out to LA and renting cars and doing a cannonball run type weekend where you race out to San Diego and go out for a steak dinner and hit the bars and spend the night in a hotel, and then race back to LA and get another nice dinner and hit the bars again. 

I'm probably not going -- I barely know his friends and the trip sounds expensive -- but over the last two days there's been a long email chain going back and forth about the bachelor party (38 people are on it.) I replied to it for the first time earlier today, and the only thing I put in my email was a link to this video:

I didn't write a single word.

Just a link to this video with no explanation.

I've never met at least 30 of the 38 guys.


(my favorite part might be around 4:30 when he gets into "ride the snake.... ride the snake.... to the lake.... the ancient lake, baby.... the snake he's long.... seven miles.... ride the snake.... he's old.... and his skin is cold....)

(and this is the studio version! this isn't him on LSD with a bottle of whiskey in hand on stage at some club on the strip ad-libbing, this is him in a recording studio!)

Ok, anyway, I included that because the title is probably the last thing I'll do for this book, so for a couple of days The Official Working Title was:

The End

(or maybe something that signifies it being the last step)

Book Anticipation Month Day 16

It's weird looking back at stuff I wrote years ago. I reread the story about shopping for an engagement ring today. I wonder how I would react to reading that for the first time. I suppose I'll never know.

The Official Working Title of the Day, along the same theme as yesterday:

The Case for Cyrus Irani

Selected Arguments from 2007-2012

I like the idea of referring to the stories as arguments

Book Preview Month Day 15!

Bad news: I got a call from Google CEO Larry Page asking me to stop promoting my book because the traffic on my blog had backed up their servers to the point where Google was frozen, and the freeze caused their stock price to drop nearly 2%, and their 2% drop caused a panic in the market and the entire NASDAQ was down .25%.

I politely suggested that he go somewhere private and fuck himself.

Ok, on to The Official Working Title of the Day. I've had several with my name in it:

In Defense of Cyrus Irani

or

The Excuse for Cyrus Irani

or

The Redemption of Cyrus Irani

or

The Erection of Cyrus Irani

I don't know. None of them jump out.

Book Draft Preview Day 14!

Lets get right down to business, shall we?

The Official Working Title of the Day:

Serious Prose for Serious People

There was a time when I toyed with the idea of a two-page cover, and this title would have been better with that. But I still like the title.

Book Preview Day 13!

Almost forgot to do one today, but I'm going to make it in time:

The Official Working Title of the Day:

Untitleable

I like that it's not recognized as a word (amongst other things.)

First Draft Hyping Extravaganza Day 12

I need to select a font (or fonts) for this thing. When I first cut and paste these into one file, I left them as written, but I also liked the idea of using one font for the blog entries, and another for everything else. Or I could pick the most reader friendly fonts and use them. I don't know.

Speaking of first time I cut and paste all of these stories into one file; I gave it a title, so lets get to The Official Working Title for the Day:

Beyond Maturity

This had the longest reign of being The Official Working Title (only because there was a long gap between when I first finished this and when I started proofreading everything again recently.) It came from my retort whenever called immature.

First Draft Extravaganza Day 11

How about we get right down to business?

The Official Working Title of the Day:

Fart Soup

Nothing about it makes sense.

It wasn't The Official Working Title for long, probably only a day or two, but it's always good for a laugh, so it has remained in the conversation.

Book Preview Day 10!

I overheard the following conversation at a restaurant last night between a waiter and the man at his table:

Waiter:  Would you like to start with an appetizer?

Man:  Yes, which would you recommend between the Chorizo and the Ceviche?

Waiter:  I'd definitely go with the Ceviche.

Man:  Ok, then I'll have the Chorizo.



Ok, it's storming outside and my internet just went out for a few minutes so lets get to The Official Working Title of the Day:

Confessions of a Gentleman 

This one spent quite a bit of time as The Official Working Title. I am a gentleman. I am a gentle man. And there are plusses and minuses to being that way these days. And I like the word Confessions to describe the content. But I don't know. I go back and forth on this one. Sometimes I think it's perfect, other times I don't.

First Draft Promotion Extravaganza Day 9!

I've had a few ideas for book covers but never thought much about it because I assumed I'd never get to the point where I'd need one. But now I need one, so I tried going out today and taking a cover picture but long story short: it didn't work.

So I'm back to the proverbial drawing board. If you know anyone who's loves to draw and wants to draw testicles, let me know. They don't have to be my testicles. I doubt many readers will look at the cover and say, "Hey, wait a second, those don't look like Cyrus's testes."

I suppose I'd have to decide whether to include the scrotum in the drawing for realism, or somehow have the testicles out.


Ok, Official Working Title of the Day:

Mother's Milk

Self explanatory.

This one has spent a lot of time near the top of the list, but not necessarily at the very top. It's a clean, safe, honest fallback option. Straightforward. Short. And it kind-of applies to how I feel about the content of the book. 

One drawback is that there's a novel out there called Mother's Milk: A Novel.

But maybe the guy who wrote it included the ": A Novel" in case some asshole like me wanted to write a non-novel called Mother's Milk. 

Book Promotion Extravaganza Day 8!

As I'm proofreading today, I'm realizing that I pretty much finished writing this book last March

LAST March.

Maybe the title should be:

Diary of a Procrastinator

It's remarkable what not having a deadline can do to me. 

The book felt a little sloppy and in need of one more honest proofread, so I kept telling myself I'd get around to it. And I suppose now I'm forcing myself to get around to it. But man, last March?

Ok, lets get to The Official Working Title of the day:

What I'm Doing When I Say I'm Doing Nothing

I liked this one, and it felt applicable, but its reign as The Official Working Title was short because I realized it sounds a lot like the Raymond Carver collection called, "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love"

And I had seen the Carver title before, so while I wasn't consciously ripping it off, I was probably subconsciously ripping it off.

But I'm looking at the Wikipedia page of the Carver book and seeing there are a lot of "What We Talk About When..." titles, so maybe I'll keep this in the running for now.

Book Build-Up Three Weeks Day 7!

Sunday is typically a rest day, but I take my commitment to the Official Working Title of the Day seriously, so here's The Official Working Title of the Day:

Objectively Good Writing

This was only the Official Working Title for an hour or two, but I found it funny enough to where it has stayed alive and well.

(And Cindy just looked at my computer and saw the title and laughed.)

Readable Draft Preview Month Day 6

My motto:

Ok, I've got a 100,000 word draft coming out in two weeks so lets get down to business:

Working Title of the Day:

America

Bonus Working Title of the Day:

The United States of Fuckmerica

Neither of these received as much consideration as the last few, but they've provided some cheap giggles. I suppose this is all you can expect from me on a Saturday night -- especially when I had my first sip of the poison at 4:30.

The Unites States of Fuckmerica.

Book First Draft Release Countdown Day 5!!

I just met a woman named Jennifer Fuckworthy.


(have I used that one before?)

For some reason I think Fuckworthy is almost believable.

It makes sense as a last name.


Ok, lets get down to business and discuss an Official Working Title for my book:

Dispatches from the Rebellion

The idea for this title came in March during a conversation with Connors, Bone, and Lex, and it's been near the top of the list ever since. It was The Official Working Title as recently as last week.

I've got an idea for a cool cover picture that works perfectly with this too.

I'm---obviously---part of the rebellion. Lex is part of the rebellion. Bone sympathizes with the rebellion, but isn't ready to commit to a potentially losing cause. Connors is kind of a self-loathing rebel, unlike Hambone, I think Connors might prefer to fight for the losing cause.

Hambone initially thought this was a terrible title idea, "How are you part of any rebellion?"

Trust me, as Cindy said a couple days ago, the greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing you he doesn't exist.

And I'll even let you in on the rebellion's current initiative:

Step #1 - Get Organized

Book Anticipation Month Day 4!

My last temp project was a trade dress dispute (a company claimed their competitor's packaging looks enough like their own to where it's likely to cause confusion.)

This beer I saw recently could be facing a suit from Red Stripe someday. 

But after going to Jamacia, I think the makers of Siren Amber Ale probably went to Jamaica, saw how Jamaican people are, and decided, "We don't have to worry about these motherfuckers caring enough or being savvy enough to sue us."

How am I doing in terms of building anticipation for the book? 

On a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being the most anticipation you've felt for anything in your life: what are you?

9, or 10?


Here's another Stumptown coffee video. This one's only a minute. Here are some shots from the same scene to beer-commercial-esque music. (I think these guys are better when their voices are completely muted.) (I wonder if that guy will regret getting a "Slash Grinderz" tattoo across the chest.)

Ok let's get down to business:

Working Title Of The Day #2:  

Pusillanimous Nights

(Pusillanimous Nights has spent more time as the Official Working Title than "Why Do We Exist?")

(It has also spent more time as the clear second choice to various Official Working Titles than any other working title)

(it has been the vice president to eight different presidents, despite not spending much time as president)

Book Hype Month Day 3!

Man, the quality of my blogging these last couple of days must have you salivating for my book.

On the subject of salivating, I ate a Chipotle burrito for lunch today. Their festivals might weird me out, but their burritos satisfy.

On the subject of Chipotle, on the way back from their festival we went to the Zoo (which, man, I could spent a LOT of time on, but I won't) and on the way back from the Zoo we stopped at the Urban Outfitters on Clark. Long story short, last month I found myself talking to a 14 year old who grew up in Lakeview and asked him where he and his friends like to hang out, and the first place he mentioned was the Urban Outfitters on State. At first I found this odd, but this weekend I realized I kind of like going in there too: the one on Clark has a ping pong table, books, an old video game machine, and the music playing is always pretty good. (here's a song I shazamed there last Saturday) (and it's got some funny looking clothes, it feels like entering a time machine and coming out in a Salvation Army in 1992.) (here's another song I shazamed there last Saturday)

Speaking of shopping, Cindy and I stopped at the Michigan City Outlet Mall on the way back from a wedding in Battle Creek a couple weeks ago. Great deals are to be had at outlet malls! Check out this one below:

My mouse stopped working today. This is great news for those hoping I meet my October 1st deadline because I can't play my favorite online computer game without a mouse. (Age of Empires III --- I took a long hiatus but started up again recently.) (If anyone has a Mac and wants to play/learn-how-to-play, let me know.)


I haven't decided on a title or cover for my book.

My favorite but most unfeasible cover idea might be a drawing of me writing, but either the pen is somehow being held by my testicles, or the testicles are doing the typing.

I've had a lot of "working titles" for the book over the last year and a half. I've had enough working titles to where I could list one every day from now until October 1. I might as well do that. (let me know if any of these stand out)

Ok, Working Title Of The Day #1:

Why Do We Exist?

Book Promotion Month Day 2

Here's a shot of the world's largest Chipotle commercial

(with Cindy photobombing)

This festival was weird. Cindy was curious because she saw ads for it all over the train and in the paper, and I'll take a long walk anywhere, so we went.

Chipotle reps at the entrance were handing out pamphlets, but we didn't take one. We walked around and saw booths selling Chipotle food and craft beers. We saw two tents with chefs giving cooking demonstrations, and a big stage with a band playing. We also saw a few small booths with extremely long lines -- well over 100 people in each -- and wondered what they were waiting for.

It turned out the lines were for booths containing Chipotle promotional material. If you walk through each one, you get a stamp on your pamphlet, and if you get a stamp from each of the four booths, you get a free burrito at Chipotle.

On one hand Chipotle is promoting positive ideas: less processed food, more local food, etc., but the whole idea of a Chipotle-sponsored festival felt weird.

Quick sidenote:

I find few things more ridiculous than the cooking-competition phenomena on TV. They try to be so intense. The most dramatic orchestral music is playing as if it's the end of the world, and it's really just some fatso celebrity chef slowly tasting an amateur's seared scallop. And how do viewers get satisfaction from the show without knowing how the food tastes? I could go on. But I think you get where this is going. Plus I just found something more entertaining than anything I can blog about today:

This web series is great. I highly recommend watching all ten episodes -- they're five to ten minutes each.

Welcome to Book Preview Month

Or maybe it should be called Abbreviated Book Preview Month since it's already September 9th, and I'm hoping to have a draft complete by October 1. But "Book Preview Three Weeks" doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

And maybe "preview" isn't the correct word because I don't anticipate previewing anything.

Maybe "Book Promotion Three Weeks"?

Anyway, I'm taking the rest of the month off (hopefully) to finish compiling and editing a book I've been wanting to put together for a while. Cindy has set a bunch of deadlines to motivate me over the last year-and-a-half, and I was certain I'd meet every one, but never have. I think the first deadline was Mother's Day.

She sets the deadlines because whenever I've taken time-off to work on this, she'll ask how my day went, and I'll say it was fairly unproductive because there's not much to do -- it's not like I'm writing the entire thing from scratch. But this Labor Day weekend when Cindy asked whether it was possible to have a readable draft finished by October 1, I said yes (which I always do), and I meant it (which I always do), and now a week later I plan on sticking with it (which I've never done.)

So to commemorate that, I plan on blogging every day this month to prepare you for the book -- which if you're reading this blog, you might like. (If a reader of this blog doesn't like at least part of the book, the book is in trouble.)

So here goes, one post a day, and I'll try my best to keep it short:

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This extended ad for Stumptown Coffee Roasters might be considered coffee porn. It's over the top. At the very least watch until about :45 (and pause it at :45 and look at that shot.) (7:50-8:10 might be my favorite line.)

I've been drinking coffee lately (a cup a day, usually in the afternoon) but can't quite pinpoint its effect. When I drink alcohol, I can tell when I first get a buzz; and when I smoke I can tell when I get stoned; but with coffee I'm not so sure.

Bowtruss is probably my favorite place to get coffee. It's kind of pricey ($3.25 for a 12 oz, and lately I've been tossing in the $.75 as a tip.) Today I saw a guy get a $4 drink and leave a $2 tip. I'm still perplexed about how to tip for take-out orders.

I considered asking Bowtruss to sponsor me: if they give me a free cup of coffee every day, I'd create a "brought to you by..." section at the end of my book and mention that they were my favorite coffee shop and gave me free coffee as I worked on the book. I ran it by a couple of people there one day and they thought it was funny and gave me the manager's card, but I haven't followed up.

I've never tried writing there because I think I'd be too distracted. A baristo who's also a writer told me he loves writing in coffee shops because their energy motivates him. The back of Intelligentsia's coffee shop is pretty much set up like a classroom full of people working on laptops. I respect their ability to focus in such an environment, but don't think I can do it. I struggle to focus alone in my kitchen.

I suppose that's a benefit to starting Book Preview Month: it'll force me to focus and try to have a readable draft ready by October 1st and reward my long-suffering readers.

Is it safe to call my readers long-suffering? I feel like 80% of this blog is a reminder that my blog and I are still alive.

from now on this blog will discuss only legal stuff

Just kidding.

But here are a couple of quick legal ones for you legal motherfuckers out there:

Last week a State appellate court in New Jersey created a duty not to text someone you know to be driving. This would be a great discussion in Torts class.


The NFL reached a $765 million dollar settlement in its concussion related class action, and The New Yorker claims it's a victory for the league. I don't know. First they cite the NFL's 10 billion dollar revenue to make the $765m seem small, but 7.65% of a company's annual revenue is not insignificant. Second (and more convincing) they say that because settlement was made pre-discovery, the NFL avoided revealing what they knew about the long term effects of concussions.

It doesn't take a neurologist to figure out that 20+ years of violent collisions might lead to some serious brain damage. In this story from a few years ago, Kris Jenkins lists some of the crazy injuries he played through. If I slipped and fell, the impact would probably affect me for the next couple of years, and these guys are out there getting hit full speed by the best athletes in the world ---- and I've probably said this before, but: if there was an objective way to measure the best athletes in the world, my guess is that 170 of the top 200 play in the NFL

Look at this guy:

5'10, 235lbs.

Probably 2% body fat.

And he's a running back! And he's not even known as a great or physically dominating running back. He's a slightly below average running back. Imagine the impact when trying to tackle this guy. I'd rather get hit by a smart car.

(And you're telling me that if someone put him in a swimming pool fifteen years ago that we'd have any idea who Michael Phelps is?)

(I think you could take Cam Newton today, teach him how to swim, and he'd break swimming world records in the 2020 Olympics.)

(If someone gave Drew Brees a tennis racket 20 years ago, Roger Federer's life would have been a lot different.)

(ok, sorry, this subject can get me going.)

(Can you imagine LeBron James serving a tennis ball? He's 6'8. A tall tennis player might be 6'4, and he's probably known for his big serve, and he's probably gangly and un-athletic as hell. Lebron's serve would be the equivalent of trying to return an overhead smash. They'd have to change the rules of the game. They'd have to either back up the service line, or raise the net. Or make players serve underhand.)

(In addition to being the longest and most powerful tennis player in the world, he'd probably also be the quickest.)

(ok, sorry.)

(Tom Brady is probably a scratch golfer.)

(Tom Brady is probably very close to being a scratch golfer.)

(ok, sorry.)

(You're telling me if Michael Vick got his hands on a javelin or a pair of skis in high school...)

(ok, ok, I'm done.)

Ok, anyway, if NFL officials knew about the dangers of repeated concussions, maybe they could have warned players or been more vigilant about diagnosing concussion symptoms in the first place. But given the amount of money on the line and the short careers of NFL players, it's probably not easy to tell one of these guys he can't play.


Ok, what else? Anyone watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix?

I thought it was decent, but wouldn't go so far as to recommend going out of your way to watch it.


I'm towards the end of Bonfire of the Vanities. I highly recommend it to someone looking for a long borderline-journalistic novel, especially to you legal motherfuckers out there.


Oh yeah, so what's going on in Syria? The dictator used chemical weapons to suppress a rebellion, and now people want us to step in?

Is it because we draw the line at chemical weapons? So if he dropped conventional bombs on his people or machine-gunned them in the streets it would be ok?

Is there a school of thought that says we sit this one out?

I feel like our success rate in the Middle East is not very high. If we go in there, we might as well colonize the country, right? What's the point of regime change? It's just going to be another guy like the current one --- or worse, as seems to be the case in Egypt. We shouldn't go into a country lest we're ready to make them the 51st state.


This article called "Long Odds for Authors Newly Published" gets into how JK Rowling published a book under a pseudonym and it didn't sell much even though critics are now giving it rave reviews. Yikes.

I've been working on a book, it's kind of a compilation of old personal blog entries and some other stuff. It'll probably be finished in a few weeks. If you're interested in reading and giving me feedback on the first draft, let me know.


I've never cared for Paul Simon but, I like this song.


That's all it takes to make it on my blog. That song played a minute ago on XRT, and I posted it. That's all it takes to make it on here.


Speaking of songs, I heard this fairly recent but fairly kick-ass Heartbreakers song on Millis's iPod at the football draft. I didn't know the 'Breakers had something like this left in the tank.


Part of me wants to post my and Spencer's weekly football plays, but we didn't get off to such a hot start last night.

quickie

No idea sounds better in theory but is worse in practice than camping.

I wish I enjoyed camping.

It makes so much sense.

...

Do I need to take a Mumford and Son's appreciation class?

I don't get them.

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Microsoft CEO Stevel Ballmer resigned last week. I don't know anything about the guy, but I came across a couple of very short youtube clips that I highly recommend:

Steve Ballmer on the importance of developers

Steve Ballmer introduction at Microsoft Conference

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Watch those youtube clips.

two very quick notes

As I type this, the Dow is down 1.46% for the day and the NASDAQ is down 1.79%. This is more dramatic than usual, so I checked the Wall St. Journal homepage to read their thoughts.

Their theory: stronger than expected economic data (including the lowest unemployment since before the recession) raised investor anxiety about a pullback in central bank support for financial markets.

Economics works in fucked up ways.

(pardon my fucking language.)

...

Also, I flipped to PBS in the middle of a show last night. An Australian guy was on stage with a guitar. I had no idea what to expect. Fast forward to the 16:00 mark of this video and you'll experience it the way I did.


...

(on first viewing, I thought his little move to end that tune was kind of cheesy, but man, if I could do that, I'd probably be up there wearing a full-length sequined cape and crown and be playing a gold-trimmed and diamond-studded guitar with several bikini clad women fanning me... and a whole lot more)

Bus

I've seen a lot of unusual people on public transportation, but for some reason, one particular guy stands out.

It was a weekday morning on the Clark bus heading downtown. Typical mix of 90% young professionals, 10% everything else. 85% glued to iPhones and Blackberries, 15% everything else.

At the back of the bus, the seats are in a U shape, with the row of seats at the very back facing forward. This is the view looking forward:

I was in one of the rows towards the back facing the middle and noticed the guy in the back corner facing the front. He was probably in his mid-40's, black, not dressed-up like he was going to an office, but not dirty either.

He had a brown paper bag in his hand. When he lifted it, I could see a 24oz PBR can inside. He cracked open the can, slowly put it to his lips, and calmly drank the entire thing in one swig.

He slowly pulled the empty can away from his mouth, carefully put it on the floor between his legs, picked up another 24oz PBR in a brown paper bag, opened it, and took a sip and proceeded to drink it at a regular pace.

every post is essentially a reminder that this blog is alive and well

I worked 140 hours over the last 15 days on a temp project, which meant I read a lot of long form journalism and watched a lot of Netflix instant view. Here's a best-of list:

Quick note before I get started: I shared a workspace with one man and three women, and we sat across from the women's bathroom. Whenever one of the women came back to our office after spending more than a couple of minutes in the bathroom, I was always tempted to ask, "You just take a shit?"

One more quick note: Spencer wants to create an app that lets users listen to readings of articles like the ones I'm about to link to. Part of me thinks the writers would be willing to read them for free if they knew the app had a lot of users.

One more: Governor Quinn will sign the Illinois medical marijuana bill today. According to the article it's the strictest medical marijuana law in the nation, but it goes on to say that a person can be prescribed 2.5 ounces in a week. (To put that in perspective: if someone gave me 2.5 ounces of weed, I'm pretty sure I couldn't finish it in two weeks even if I dedicated every waking moment to smoking.)

Ok, on to the list:

Reading options:

Oral history of the Sopranos - a must read for Sopranos fans.

(While finding that link, I read this op-ed about the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal. I'm sure politicians from generations past were equally perverted (if not far more perverted) than Weiner, but there was no cyber-trail to catch them. So what does the modern day pervert-but-potentially-effective politician do? I think the answer is to embrace it. [I'm calling Weiner a pervert because I think his exhibitionism qualifies as a perversion; whereas Elliot Spitzer is merely a man with lack of self control {a hypocrite, but a man.}]

In his next press conference, Weiner should take the podium and say, "Look, I get off from lewd cyber-flirting with strangers. It takes up a small part of my day---no less than the average man probably spends masturbating---and no one is getting hurt, and it certainly doesn't effect my job in any way. I'm happy to answer any questions."

And then his wife should go up there and say, "He's an intelligent and fun companion, he's a good dad, he's always provided for our family, he doesn't have any substance abuse problems, and he's never verbally or physically abused me. Every man has faults, and if my husband's biggest fault is an obsession with sexting strangers,,, obviously I'm not thrilled about it, but given all the other things that are wrong with men, I'm happy with what I've got. He doesn't owe me any apology."

And because he doesn't approach it this way, I wouldn't vote for him.)

This is a nice little glimpse into the world of competitive eating - "The truth is, rarely have I done a story about something that's so utterly, existentially pointless and so emblematic of the American tendency to go way too far."

Oral history of Cheers. Highly recommend this if you're a Cheers fan.

I added this story about the bacteria in our bodies to my reading list a while ago and didn't expect to finish it, but it kept me hooked throughout and I've probably thought about it more than anything else I'm going to put on this list.

I read Friday Night Lights while working the weekend. Can't believe I'd gone so long without reading it. He spent a lot more time on economics and politics than I expected.

If you were a pro-wrestling fan in the 80's and early 90's (as I was) and are troubled by the plight of aging pro-wrestlers (like I am), you'll want to read this story about Diamond Dallas Page's efforts to rehabilitate Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Scott Hall. (and you have to watch the first two embedded youtube videos.)

If you're into Mt. Everest stuff like I've been since reading Into Thin Air, you might also like this article about Sherpas on Mt. Everest. It's the classic economic dilemma: on one hand the article paints Sherpas as tragic figures forced by westerners to do extremely dangerous work for a pittance; but on the other hand they're choosing to do the work because it pays 10x more than they could make doing anything else in rural Nepal (is "rural Nepal" redundant?) Everest climbing has become big business, and Sherpas are absolutely necessary to the expeditions, so an enterprising American needs to go out there and unionize the Sherpas. Who's with me?

(the part about how much the Llama's charge for funeral prayers bothered me.)

I like Jhumpa Lahiri's fiction, so Brotherly Love got the job done for me. (If you're new to her stuff, I wouldn't start with that story---I'd start with this book of short stories.) (if anyone reads Brotherly Love and wants to quickly discuss the end, let me know.)

(I have only read her short stories. I was going to buy her novel The Namesake a couple of years ago, but her photo on the back cover was so over-the-top that I actually decided not to buy the book, despite having read and enjoyed her two books of short stories!!) (True Story.) (I think it's the only time I've ever done that.)

Here's the picture:

(I'm sure I'll read it at some point, but I just couldn't bring myself to pay for a book whose author allowed that picture to go on the back cover.) (Maybe I'm overreacting.) (I'm probably overreacting.)

Music: This was supposed to be a typical pretentious reviewer doing a profile of Fiona Apple to promote her latest album. I almost stopped reading it after a couple of paragraphs, but it gets interesting. (it left me with one question.)

Poker: This is a good story about gambling addiction. Reading about poker hands never gets old.

Sports: This one about Tracy McGrady was probably my favorite sports read of the last two weeks.

Politics: Here's a nice little Biden 2016 puff-piece. The guy has been a senator longer than he's not been a senator, and that leads to some quirks.

Economics: I'm interested in the idea of measuring wealth, but reading about economics is like a never-ending argument. The best way to tell that someone's economic theory is incorrect is by how certain they are it's correct. This profile on an economist's pessimistic view isn't great, but it's another example of subjectivity in the field.

I avoid movie/book reviews. I was considering reading this book, but feel like I got the gist from this review.

Here's a good one about social media (and conventional media) blowing the Steubenville high school rape case out of proportion.

Federer as a Religious Experience is seven years old, but I read it for the first time before starting this last project. Highly recommend it. Do not skip the footnotes. (someone needs to compile the best David Foster Wallace essays for people not interested in literary criticism.)



Best stuff I watched on Netflix instant-view:

Shut Up and Play the Hits - If you like LCD Soundsystem, you have to watch this. (and tell me what you think.) It's a documentary about their final show. More than half of it is footage from the final show.

After watching the first half at the end of a workday, I came home and told Cindy about it and her immediate response, was, "Eh, he'll be back, he was probably just calling it their last show for hype."

After watching the rest the following morning, I think she might be right. James Murphy says he quit because of a combination of: 1) fear of failing to top his previous work, 2) not wanting to tour, 3) not wanting to become a recognizable celebrity. Makes sense. I believe it all, and I'm sure he does too. BUT he's only 43. If you're an artist, you're not going to lose the urge to create. It's not like LCD Soundsystem was a big collaboration that can't be held together. It was Murphy in a studio by himself writing songs and playing every instrument. And he's a highly intelligent and extremely ambitious man who knows this. I wonder if subconsciously he just wanted to take a long break from the pressures of putting out new albums as LCD Soundsystem and decided that by calling this his "final show" he'd explain his impending hiatus while selling out Madison Square Garden and enjoying a little bit of glory in the process.)


The Fall - Hambone recommended this, first season is five one-hour episodes. Crime drama, set in Belfast. I found it compelling enough to watch all five episodes in a ten hour stretch of work. (And if you like the psyco-sexual-crime-thrillers, try Durham County too. I watched all three seasons in a week at work a few years ago.)

The Great Happiness Space - I had never heard of Japanese host clubs, now I have. And I'm not going to forget about them anytime soon.

Woody Allen: A Documentary - If you like Woody Allen but for some reason haven't seen this; stop what you're doing and watch it now.

Haywire - I had no idea what this was about, I just trusted Stephen Soderbergh. You may not find yourself reflecting on it ten years from now, but it's entertaining.

Mad Men Season 5 is on instant view. If you haven't watched it; watch it. If you have watched it; re-watch it.


Quick Bachelorette Note: I've been watching. It's oddly compelling. It's completely ridiculous, but compelling.