Thursday, November 05, 2009

random BS, because the other post I wrote almost sounds racist so I'm gonna look at it again before I post it, even though it is ABSOLUTELY not racist

I have a pirated copy of Microsoft Word, and I feel guilty about it. But not quite guilty enough to put a check in the mail.

...

“Eachother” is not a word?

I don’t know why, but I’ve always used “eachother” as a word. But Microsoft Word’s spell checker underlines it in red. Sometimes I change it, sometimes I ignore it. But I wonder if eventually I’ll just give in and start changing it every time.

...

Something to think about if you're considering making the switch from a PC to a MAC: if you're really good with shortcuts on your PC keyboard, be prepared to part with a lot of them.

I'm not saying not to switch, but I'm just warning you to prepare for the withdrawal so it doesn’t hit you as hard as it’s hit me.

I really hit rock bottom earlier this week when Cindy suggested a faster way for me to move something around in Excel.

CINDY PARK was telling ME how to move something around in EXCEL!!

I wanted to say to her, "Bitch, I was writing macros without a mouse in standing room only Fortune 100 conference rooms back when you were going to frat parties."

"I used to tell people with heart conditions to look away while I formatted text in Word.”

“I was making spreadsheets so fucking beautiful and symmetrical that a group of them were considered for a seasonal exhibit at the Art Institute.”

(And that last one is not far from the truth.)

(The only thing separating it from the truth is simply me approaching the Art Institute with a few of my spreadsheets seven years ago.)

(So the departure from truth does not effect the impact of the statement.)

(So just read the statement as being true.)

So anyway. Be prepared to lose a lot of that skill and have to relearn it. But don't let that stop you from switching. (So I guess I really don't have much of a point here other than to prepare you for something that you probably don't need to be prepared for.)

(So, sorry for making you read that)


The contract attorney lifestyle is not something I ever expected to live.

I had an “interview” with an agency yesterday that was scheduled to go from 11:00 – 11:15 at a Caribou Coffee on Michigan Avenue.

And it didn’t even last until 11:15.

It didn't even last until 11:05.

The interviewer should have just cut the pleasantries and said, "Listen, the only reason we have to meet in person is so I can check your identification and make sure you match the face so that you can't send some desperate law student in to do your job and then tax them 50% of the pay."

And I would have responded, "Trust me, I've thought about that more than you or anyone you know. And I'm not going to do it; but your checking of my ID has absolutely nothing to do with why I'm not doing it."

It goes without saying that at some point I need to develop some kind of skill that will allow me to earn a living.

Nothing I've ever said could have gone without saying more than that.


I’ve been eating Indian food less.

Food that is spicy going in, is also going to be a little spicy coming out.

The air in Mumbai actually smells different from the air in the US – it’s unmistakable. And I think part of it might actually have to do with people’s shit and gas.


I searched the web for something about the smell in Mumbai and ended up reading someone’s blog entry from last year. I was about to comment, but first clicked a link to read the blog’s latest entry and saw that it hadn’t been updated in over a year. It was kind of sad find a dead blog.


Snob in a Restaurant:

(After seeing 15 different entrees listed on the menu)

Me – (to the waitress) Do you have any menus with subheadings?


I’d love to meet a white guy with a Chinese Accent.


My friend’s girlfriend broke up with him at a concert because he aggressively fondled a girl while she was body-surfing.

I asked him why he did it so blatantly and he said, “I don't know man. I think I uncovered a whole new side of me.”

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