what if?

I have to take a drug test tomorrow, my first ever.

I've heard that I'll be given a cup to take to the bathroom, and I simply have to return the cup full of pee to the nurse shortly thereafter.

Wouldn't it be funny if instead of returning the cup full of pee, I returned it full of cum?

"here you go"

??

Is there a school of thought that says black people should get white tattoos?

for a quick laugh

I'm still not sure if this is real, but it's worth a look if you're in the market for a fecal matter removal technician (their term, not mine)

cursed?

My allergies were acting up a little this week, so as I was sitting at my desk on Thursday, I let out a nice loud sneeze. Right away came the chorus of, “Bless You” “Bless You” “God Bless You.”

I thanked everyone for their blessings.

A minute later I sneezed again and everyone said "God Bless You" again. I knew I was going to sneeze a few more times that afternoon, so I just wanted to say to everyone, “Those of you who said ‘God Bless You’, thank for saying it. Please do not feel obligated to say it every time I sneeze. Consider your gesture acknowledged and appreciated.”

But then I realized that the gesture was not meant for me.

I have no idea why it is commonplace to ask God to bless those who sneeze. I searched the net and found a bunch of archaic reasons, but nothing that explains why people are still saying it in 2007.

Saying “God Bless You” after I sneeze actually embarrasses me. It brings even more sympathetic attention to me than my loud sneeze already did, and on top of that, it makes me wonder what about sneezing is so bad that others feel the need to ask God to take time out of his day to bless me? Am I cursed?

I don't know about you, but I enjoy a nice powerful sneeze. It’s refreshing.

friday night,

It’s Friday night. Cindy and I were thinking about going out for a few drinks after dinner, but since the terror alert level has been raised to yellow, we've decided to stay in and rent a movie instead. Why take a chance?

I don’t mean to insult anyone, but in case you don't know the precise meaning of a "yellow" threat level: it means that we currently face a “significant risk of terrorist attacks.”

Here is a copy of the entire scale (just in case)

In addition, it is with great pride and patriotism that I announce a new feature on my blog! If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you will see that I have added a real time terror alert tracker to the website. Now, instead of making that extra internet surfing stop on www.dhs.gov every morning to check the day's terror alert level, you can simply check it when you read my blog in the morning. But please, check it before you read the post.

I miss writing on this thing

I haven't written anything on here for a while, and that's gonna stop. Even if the only thing I write is simply an acknowledgment that I haven't written anything for a while. (and a promise that I will write more, soon)

Today I read an article about Paul Wolfowitz, and it reminded me of these guys forming the naked pyramid in the picture below. But the craziest part to me...


is that they're Iraqis. This happened in Iraq. These guys probably didn't know anyone, who knew anyone in Al Qaeda. They're just Iraqi men.

I'm not a torture guy, and I don't really want to get started on that topic. But it's one thing to look at that picture and think, "well, at least those are the men behind the 9/11 attacks."

It's an entirely different thing to look at those pictures and think, "those guys have probably attacked as many Americans as my unborn child."

(posts will be more light-hearted from this point on)