some quick long-reads (and quick book revision note)

I was on a project last week. Here are a few of my favorites:


I liked this interview with Justice Scalia in part because the interviewer seems well prepared, but in larger part because Scalia is weird.

After Scalia admits to believing in the Devil, they have the following exchange:

Isn’t it terribly frightening to believe in the Devil?You’re looking at me as though I’m weird. My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the Devil? I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the Devil! It’s in the Gospels! You travel in circles that are so, so removed from mainstream America that you are appalled that anybody would believe in the Devil! Most of mankind has believed in the Devil, for all of history. Many more intelligent people than you or me have believed in the Devil.

We had a short David Foster Wallace exchange on our fantasy football message board last week, so AC sent me this essay from 1996. I didn't expect to reread it because my reading list was backed up, but once I started I couldn't stop. Definitely one of my favorite DFW essays -- on some days you might get me to say it's my favorite. (This is the one that earned him my trust.)

You are invited to try to imagine what it would be like to be among the hundred best in the world at something. At anything. I have tried to imagine; it’s hard.

I wonder whether he believed himself to be one of the hundred best writers in the world when he wrote that sentence (it was published six months after Infinite Jest --- which I haven't read, and don't plan on reading until I'm a much stronger reader and a more mature and patient person.)

Mike Tyson writes a mini memoir in NY Magazine called My Life as a Young Thug. I only ask that you read the first section. If you read the first section and decide not to go on, then don't go in. (But my guess is that you will.)

Hambone directed me to this Rolling Stone article about Aaron Hernandez. It's almost worth reading solely for the new format on rollingstone.com. (It is also fun to come up with arguments Aaron Hernandez's attorney might make)

...

Book Revision note:

All of the formatting needs to be considered. It should be clear that the notes sections are different from the regular stories. And their titles should explain them better too

Book Postmortem - Second Revision

I've got today off so guess what I'm gonna do?

The second part that needs revising is the chapter towards the end called Notes On This Book. It feels a bit lopsided, so I'm going to try touching it up a bit.


I was in the Bay Area a couple weekends ago. Handsome Mike has the ultimate bachelor pad. It's hard to tell from this picture, but look at all the toys he has in this place.

Book Postmortem Day 4 - First Revision

The section called  Notes On Reading and Apathy (And Why I’m Not a Memoirist) has a lot of unnecessary memoiry shit. So rather include proof of why I'm not a memoirist AND identify it as such, I can just delete both. (pp1.5-3.5 should be deleted)

It saves ink. Saves paper. Saves the future reader's time. It saves energy.


I hadn't touched the book all week, but knew I'd eventually have to fix that part, so I opened it this morning and started going through it, and then I had lunch with Ponce who pointed out the same thing (his biggest critique so far -- he's on p128.) Perfect timing.

I haven't earned the right to do that kind of memoiring unless it's done better --- which is better than I'm capable of doing. (Which is a point I should make clearer in the dedication too.) (Consider that Revision #2)

(I got sidetracked because I wanted to defend high school english, and next thing I know I was meandering through my life story in terms of reading.)

Has anyone else read that part and have any feelings about it?


...


The bad news is I'm starting a project tomorrow.

This process is going to be weird.

I know that certain parts of the book need work, and I know that certain other parts probably need work, but I can't sit down and plow straight through them because I don't know how to fix them. I suspect that your reactions might show me how to fix them. Maybe you won't react at all; maybe some are not as bad as I think. It worked out perfectly today.


The added weirdness is now I've gotta think about the book in terms of an unknown reader. I've always thought of it being read by friendly readers. It's different to think about it being read by someone who doesn't know me.

Book Postmortem Day 3

I'd like to start an organization called Central Asian Looking Motherfuckers in Favor of Racial Profiling.

Waiting in airport security lines wastes human productivity unlike anything else. How many hijackers has TSA caught? How many bottles of lotion or water have they confiscated?

I understand the economic arguments. TSA employs a lot of people, and throwing away someone's shampoo forces them to buy a new bottle, but that doesn't make it right. Can't we find a better way to stimulate the economy?

So I, being a Central Asian looking motherfucker, volunteer to be racially profiled and thoroughly searched for weapons at the airport if it means we can let everyone else go. And it's not like I'm making a sacrifice and increasing my wait time to save everyone else. My wait will be shortened because despite being searched, I won't have to stand in the line. Plus it will show that Central Asian Looking Motherfuckers are willing to step up and do this country a favor.

And I suppose there are African terrorists now, so maybe black people should make the same sacrifice.

Search all weird looking motherfuckers. Just let the whites, hispanics, and asians go.

Although I suppose there have been white and asian mass shooters. So maybe we should check them too.

Let the hispanic people go. They're good hardworking people.

Book Postmortem Day 2

My project start date was pushed back again, so now I'm at home and unsure of what to do. Maybe it's time to get back to my roots and start blogging and bring this thing back to it's glory days. 

When was that?

78 posts in 2007 makes it my most prolific year. The greatest moment of this blog was probably early 2007 when Juice set the blog as his browser homepage.

I want to wait a week and get some feedback before taking a second look at my book. My only goal was to finish it. I figured if I completed a first draft and got the feeling it was worth reading, things would work themselves out. I suppose that working out is slowly beginning with the feedback I'll get from you.

What to do if I get some decent feedback and get motivated to try to polish and publish it, but it doesn't work out.

The thought of real lawyering makes me laugh. I can't tell whether I'd be good at it. I've hardly tried it. I remembered this story from a few years ago, i'll rewrite it now:

...


I got on the elevator going down and my co-worker Rick hustled on after me.

I noticed his suit and asked, “Court?”

“Yeah, traffic court for a friend. You?”

“Family law.”

He laughed. “Oh man, is it ugly?”

I thought about the case and shook my head. “They’re fighting over $10,000 in assets, and our client has already spent over $6,000 in legal fees.”

Rick laughed. “Classic.”

“I mean, if you’re fighting over $10,000, and a lawyer tells you he needs a $2,000 retainer just to get started... It’s truly ridiculous.”

As we approached the ground floor, the man standing behind us said, “Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I got divorced last year, and I’ll tell you what, I’d rather give all my money to the lawyer than let my ex-wife have a single penny of it.”

Book Preview Month Day 31

It ends up being exactly one month.

Let me know you'd like a copy. It'll be ready to send tomorrow morning.

First Draft Anticipation Day 30

My project got pushed back again, so I'm going to use tomorrow to work on this. It can't hurt. But after that the first draft will be complete. I'm out of town Thursday through Sunday, and the project starts Monday, and even if it gets pushed back again, a month of fairly diligent work on this book has been enough. At the very least I need a break from it.

I've had a couple conversations with a musician who frequents the same coffee shop, and we agreed on one thing today: artists need deadlines. I think it helped to post on here and remind myself of a deadline and work towards it. But, I suppose the counterpoint is that somethings need time to come together.

First Draft Countdown Days 27/28/29

I've got some things I'd like to blog about, but I'd rather work on the book since I have two days before I go back to work. I didn't do much over the weekend, so I've gotta start thinking about format and get everything into a file.

I'll say this before I go: Microsoft Word for the Mac is not without bugs.

Book Countdown Day 26!

Ok, good news and bad news:

The good news is my project start date got pushed back to Wednesday.

The bad news is it means I'm probably going to spend the extra time working on the book.

Everything has been written for a while. There's only one part I screwed up by taking a two page story I wrote few years ago on a very specific topic and accidentally turning it into a fifteen page memoir.  I'm trying to cut it down to a length that won't activate your gag reflex when reading it. (But for some fucking reason I still keep adding to it and can't stop myself. It's actually quite annoying.)

The other thing I'll work on is the format --- which I started last March but lost when my computer was stolen.

(The penalty for stealing computers should not be based on the value of the computer. It should be an extremely aggravated sentence that greatly stretches the limits of Eighth Amendment jurisprudence. It should include prison time plus a non-dischargeable civil penalty owed to the victims. And maybe even a flogging for good measure.)

First Draft Countdown Day 25

It's the home stretch.

Still don't have a title. But that can wait.

Don't have a cover. But that can wait.

Haven't really worked on the format either, but I'll work on that a little tomorrow and over the weekend.

But I start work on Monday, so I've gotta have something ready by the weekend.

Book Anticipation Day 24

I'm paying $170/month for a $2,000 deductible health insurance plan. The monthly rate has gone up considerably --- it was around $100/month when I signed up almost four years ago. I'm not sure how my rate compares to others, so I checked the Healthcare.gov website yesterday to see whether these new exchanges could help me find a lower monthly rate.

I figured there'd be some kinks in the system, and there were:

Uh..... Less than or more than what??

Working Title of the Day, I'm still kind of liking:

Notes From a Reasonably Prudent Man

Confessions of a Gentleman and Dispatches from the Rebellion are still sticking out. Pusillanimous Nights is always strong. Serious Prose for Serious People makes me laugh 100% of the time I think about it. The Redemption of Cyrus Irani is almost applicable. The Excuse for Cyrus Irani is even more applicable. The Case for Cyrus Irani: Selected Arguments from 2007-2012 makes me laugh too.

The problem with some of these titles is the funny ones are funnier when spoken, but in real life no one ever asks the title of my book.

Book Preview Month Day 23

The problem with Netflix is that I'm a season behind on Breaking Bad (and pretty much every other non-Netflix original show) and am forced to disengage myself from media to avoid spoilers. It's the only downside to Netflix.


I was talking to Hambone about working titles this morning, and we discussed a potentially obvious one:

Notes From a Prudent Man

Or maybe:

The Essential Notes From a Prudent Man

or

Notes from a Reasonably Prudent Man

I've always had a soft spot for the addition of reasonably before prudent. And I enjoy saying it out loud. I've said it out loud a couple of times to myself right now.

Or how about:

Notes from a Reasonably Prudent Man:  The Essential Notes from a Prudent Man