2011 Best Picture Nominee Grades (better late than never, right?)

Since the 2012 Best Picture nominations came out this week, I think it’s a good time to post my 2011 Best Picture rankings, worst to first. (In general, I thought last year’s crop was better.)

Toy Story 3 – I haven’t seen Toy Story 1 or 2, so I didn’t watch 3. Grade – N/A

Winter’s Bone – I liked how Winter’s Bone was set in a part of the country that pseudo-intellectual lower-upper-class guys like me never get to see, and the backbone of the story was interesting, but I thought it was lacking in execution. The relationships between characters weren’t always clear, and the story could have revealed itself better. And the characters initially seemed a lot worse than they turned out to be. (But it wins the award for Best Title.) Grade – B-

Inception – Visually it was cool, and the plot was unique, but I didn’t find myself really sucked in or blown away at any point. Grade – B

127 Hours – Intense and thought provoking. But it wasn’t “edge of your seat” intensity as much as it was “preparing to cringe” intensity. And it wasn't "i've never thought of that" thought provoking as much as it was "oh yeah" thought provoking. Grade – B+

The Fighter – A modern day Rocky except it had not one, but two training montages! After watching it, I looked up the real fights and found that the recreations were very accurate. It gets the nod over 127 Hours because of how much I liked Cindy’s impression of Mark Walberg saying, “Not you, not you, not you…” Grade – B+

True Grit – What I remember most was the DVD being scratched and stopping five minutes before the end and having to send it back to Netflix and wait a couple of days to finish it. So I don’t remember as much as I should, but I remember liking the characters and details. And the Cohen brothers’ cinematography is so great that you watch their stuff on mute. Grade B+

King’s Speech – I thought this was a bit overrated. It was good, but not great. Grade – B+

The Social Network – A good story, even though parts were embellished. (A lot of it was taken from a guy who’s suing Zuckerberg.) Eisenberg’s acting was great, except he didn’t quite nail Zuckerberg’s amphetamine eyes. Grade – A-

Black Swan – Cringe inducing and over the top—it was practically a horror film—but it was very unique and I appreciated the change of pace. And a cool theme too. Grade – A

The Kids are All Right – I think it helped that I didn’t know anything about the plot going in. Thoughtfully written, great characters, takes the viewer through a range of emotions. Just a well executed story. Grade – A+ 

overheard at dinner

We overheard this conversation between a husband and his wife at dinner Saturday night:

Husband -- Honey, I've got good news and bad news.

Wife -- Ok

Husband -- I'll give you the good news first

Wife -- ...

Husband -- Good news is I'm finally going to write a book

Wife -- Oh, that's great! I'm so excited for you!

Husband -- Bad news is it's going to be the definitive guide to whoring around the world. 

Wife -- Oh,,,

Husband -- And I'm talking almanac level of detail, every major city on the planet, and a lot of smaller destination type cities. It could take years. 

Wife -- ...

Husband -- And even after it's finished I'll have to keep updating it because a lot of these women have a short shelf-life --- if you know what I mean.

Wife -- I don't know what to...

(the waiter walks over)

Waiter -- Can I start you two off with something to drink?

Wife -- (thinks about it for a second) I'll have a dirty martini, with Kettle One.

Waiter -- And for you sir?

Husband -- Water's fine.

a picture

This is how Cindy and I were seated at dinner Saturday. 

Nothing unusual -- except for the mirror behind Cindy. (If you look to the left of Cindy's hand, you can see my face.)

I was having a great hair day, so every once in a while I'd see my hair's reflection in the mirror and take a second look.

After Cindy made fun of me checking myself out, this was the conversation we had:

Me -- How many times a day do you see a man with better hair than me? Just a regular weekday. You walk to the train, ride the train to work, walk to the office, work, meet with co-workers and clients, go to lunch, walk back to the train station, walk home. What's the over/under on guys you see with better hair than me?

Cindy -- (thinking)

Me -- I'd set it at .5

Cindy -- (thinking)

Me -- And I'll take the under.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I read an in-depth article in The Atlantic today about The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy. As many of you know, the author, Steig Larsson, died shortly after submitting the three manuscripts. What you may not know is that to preserve the integrity of Larsson's original writing, Random House chose not to edit any of his work. However, Random House CEO Markus Dohle told The Atlantic that they had to make one slight change to the title. According to Dohle, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo", was originally called, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on her Ass."

True story.

overheard

Cindy and I were at restaurant Saturday night when the guy at the next table got down on one knee, pulled out a diamond ring and looked up at his girlfriend and said,

"Baby, I've been with a lot of women in my life, but hardly any compare to you. Will you marry me?"

new year's day random bullshit

Serious question:

Is it a coincidence that the prostitution capital of the world is called Bangkok?

...


Here is a picture of Kim Jong-Un standing next to his father's hearse in North Korea.

If you look closely at the hood ornament, you will see that body of the Supreme Leader of one of the most anti-American regimes in history is being carried to its final resting place in a Lincoln.

No shame. Absolutely no shame!

And it's not even remotely new! At best that thing was built in the 80's.

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Around 2:00am Sunday morning I saw a commercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump --- which is a cylinder you put around your penis to create a vacuum and then slowly pump air out in order to draw blood into your penis and build an erection. Once erect, you slide a ring around the base of your penis to keep the blood from flowing out and then remove the pump.

Please watch the demonstration on their website.

First of all, if you're a single guy having trouble getting laid, seeing the model for the Pos-T-Vac and knowing that he's getting laid should boost your confidence.

Second, imagine having to pull this thing out in the heat of passion and taking the time to pump up your penis while the woman sits and waits. I assume the more thoughtful man has his partner pump him up as a form of foreplay.

And of course, the Pos-T-Vac is covered by Medicare. At first I was going to make fun of this, but then I remembered the paranoid schizophrenic I represented who told me his medication allowed him to control his paranoid impulses, but took away his ability to have an erection. He was frustrated and often tempted to go off his medication and go out to the bars with hopes of charming a woman and engaging in a little suck and fuck (if you know what I mean.)

But when he was off his meds, he was prone to extreme bouts of paranoia which often let to fist-fights. So if his meds don't work when mixed with Viagra, I guess I'd rather pay to have him pump up his penis than have him go off his medication and head out to a bar (and eventually prison.)

Regardless, it's funny to realize that the federal government is in the business of paying for penis pumps.

...

Here's a long argument about why some college athletes should be paid. It's kind of repetitive, so here's a summary:

Lots of people make LOTS of money from collegiate athletics, but the athletes get nothing. Even their free educations are essentially worthless because they rarely have time to study. And even if they did have the time, they won't have motivation to study because universities often give athletes undeserved passing grades because of how much money rides on them being on the field.

(I can attest to a student athlete's fatigue. I used to tutor football players at NIU, and I remember them always being tired.)

In 1986, Jan Kemp, an instructor at the University of Georgia sued the university for firing her for not inflating the grades of certain football players.

To get an idea of what a University of Georgia football player's education is worth, here's a quote about the University's aspirations for its student athletes --- said by the University's attorney during trial,

We may not make a university student out of him, but if we can teach him to read and write, maybe he can work at the post office rather than as a garbage man when he gets through with his athletic career.

That wasn't some quote taken out of context by a reporter questioning the attorney as he left his office. It was said DURING TRIAL!!

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How long would a lunch place in the Loop last if it only served sandwiches to men, and only served salads and wraps to women? How long would it take for the civil rights litigation to actually force them to stop doing business? Would there be a preliminary injunction? Or could they keep refusing to sell women sandwiches until a judgment had actually been reached in court.

And you know how food trucks are becoming the new trend? What about a food truck to which you could take your lunch, and for a couple of bucks they would deep fry it? You buy a sandwich from Potbelly, and then take it to the truck where they'll batter it and drop it in a deep fryer for a couple of minutes.

I think the truck would do better if the salesman inside was either Scandinavian or Australian. We seem to trust those cultures.

...

I love the feeling of liking a song for the first time and looking forward to listening to it again. I haven't been listening to much new music lately but was home last weekend and watched some live music on Palladia with the family so I heard some new stuff. ("new" meaning it was new to me.)

The way Depeche Mode opened their show was cool. Seemed like the perfect way to start a Depeche Mode show. (I was surprised when Freda told me the guitar player actually writes most of their songs.)

Cindy played this Chemical Brothers song for me Monday night and I've been listening to it all week.

Here's the Rock Band Expert Drums version of Jimmy Eat World song I kind of liked -- I love when people record these. I'm gonna do one some day.

Does the singer of Jimmy Eat World moonlight as the singer for Death Cab for Cutie? Or vice versa?  (here's a better live version of the Death Cab song) (what's goes wrong on that first version? sounds like the drummer is off.)

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Happy New Year to everyone. Thanks for reading!