on North Korea

Lately I've been fascinated with North Korea. I read this book last month --- it's worth reading if you're interested in North Korea. If you're only mildly interested, I recommend this article. If you want something even shorter, I'll write a quick summary below. (If you're not interested, then go fuck yourself.) (And I'm not saying that to be insulting, I'm saying that you'll probably get more enjoyment out of fucking yourself than you will suffering through my barely organized thoughts on North Korea.)


Korea was occupied by Japan in 1910, but after WWII, the US took military control of the South, and the USSR took the North. The border was hastily drawn by the US with the sole purpose of keeping Seoul in the South. (p.inc.) The split left North Korea with the inferior lot. War ensued. Lots of Koreans, Americans, Soviets and Chinese died. In the end, the original hastily drawn border remained.

The Soviets installed Kim Il Sung as the ruler of the North. Kim essentially told his people he was God, and that Americans and South Koreans were the poor, ruthless, ravenous enemies. Kim cut off his citizens from all communication with the outside world and tried to create a society that was completely self-reliant (this philosophy is called Juche.) Here's a funny example of Juche from the article:

In 1997, Pyongyang officially withdrew from Christian time and placed North Korea on a Juche calendar, which marks the beginning of history as 1912, the year of Kim Il Sung’s birth.

(I hope one of my ancestors was the asshole sitting around making fun of the decision to use Jesus Christ's birthdate as the beginning of history.)

60 years later, South Korea has one of the largest and most prosperous economies in the world, while North Korean leaders would kill to get Robert Mugabe on the phone for some economic advice.

Five factors are generally to blame for North Korea's economic collapse:
1) suppression of free enterprise (they essentially criminalize free enterprise)
2) investing a vast majority of resources into military
3) having leadership whose sole purpose is to maintain power (or that is just unbelievably incompetent)
4) less than ideal farmland (and some major fuck-ups with said farmland)
5) the fall of the Soviet Union, which provided North Korea with aid and discounted fuel

Food in North Korea is rationed by the state, and based on what I've read, the average North Korean doctor survives on an amount of food that would make the average American homeless man cringe. Soup made from grass and ground tree bark seems to be a staple of the North Korean diet. North Koreans die of starvation and hunger-related illness at an alarmingly high rate, and during an especially brutal famine that ensued after the fall of the Soviet Union, North Korea lost somewhere between 5-20% of its entire population.

One of the stories in Nothing to Envy was about a North Korean doctor who would leave her hospital every day to forage for food. Eventually, like everyone else profiled in the book, she fled to China.

The exodus to China and what it says about the general state of North Korea is summed up perfectly by this sentence from the Gourevitch article:

It is a measure of what things are like in North Korea that those who have escaped invariably speak of their first impression of the peasant villages and factory towns of China’s rough and underdeveloped northeast with a continuing sense of astonishment that just across a fifty-metre-wide river people could be living in such extraordinary wealth, with all modern comforts, and such freedom.

One especially memorable story described a North Korean woman entering a Chinese village for the first time and seeing a heaping bowl of food in the backyard and assuming the family was preparing for a feast. Shortly after, she realized that the food had been left out for the family dog.

North Korean radios and televisions are fixed to only receive broadcasts from the state run networks, and subversive speech is punished by imprisonment of the speaker and speaker's entire family. But as more North Koreans slip in and out of China and spread information of what they see, and as more learn how to intercept broadcasts from foreign countries, word of their true condition will spread. And with its longstanding leader now dead and his 28 year-old son primed to become the new figurehead, it will be interesting to see what -- if anything -- happens.

The biggest obstacle to an Arab-style revolution is simply the inability of North Korean citizens to communicate. Egyptians, Libyans, Tunisians and Yemenis all had mobile phones and computers and internet and twitter and facebook, but a potential North Korean revolutionary will be thrown in a prison camp for sending a smoke signal.

In addition, there are two other factors that help the North Korean regime maintain the status quo:

1) Nuclear Weapons: They may have cost North Korea an economy, but it gets other countries to pay attention and give aid.

2) Extremely poor people: China and South Korea aren't exactly thrilled about the possibility of North Korea being liberated and all of its poor people stampeding into their cities. So instead of pushing for a regime change and ending all of the human rights atrocities, China and South Korea seem to have a a policy of, "Hey, let's take it easy, maybe they just can clean things up a little with some nudging in the right direction from us."


I felt the need to post this because thinking about North Korea, plus reading a book about a WWII pilot's starvation (within a week of the North Korea book) gets me thinking about how rich we are every time I unwrap a Chipotle burrito.

quick picture (and probably some worthless rambling)

I took this symmetrical picture while mattress shopping with Cindy.

There are four mattress stores within a two-block radius of our apartment, so Cindy and I went to three (the fourth was just a second location of one of the others.) The shopping experience was like car shopping because the mattresses were laid out on a big open sales floor manned by commission salesmen. I'll write about my favorite sales tactic from each store:

...

This was a conversation with the owner of the first store after he extended his Labor Day discount and offered us a mattress for $699 (and we reacted with ambivalence):

Owner -- So how did you find out about us?

Me -- I just typed "mattress" on Google Maps and saw that you were nearby had some positive reviews. And I guess we've walked by here a bunch of times and Cindy always jokes that seeing all of these empty beds must really irritate homeless people.

Owner -- Yelp? Did you say you saw us on Yelp?

Me -- Uh, no, the reviews were on Google, but Cindy might have looked on Yelp, or the Google reviews might come from Yelp. I don't know.

Owner -- Ok, I give a $50 discount if you mention Yelp. So now I can get you that mattress for $649.

...

Stores often list a suggested retail price for their products and then slash that price to show you how much of a discount you're getting. Here's an example of that strategy being poorly executed in a different setting:

I don't think Jewell is going to lure anyone into buying a $110 bottle of wine by offering a $2 discount. If anything, they're probably scaring the buyer away.

This strategy can also be poorly executed in the other direction. At the second mattress store, the mattress we liked was $949.99, but the tag also showed that the "suggested retail price" for the mattress was $2,699.99.

So they were selling the mattress at a $1,750 discount. 65% off the suggested retail price.

We showed mild interest in the $949.99 mattress and discussed it with the salesman for a minute, but couldn't tell the difference between it and the $650 mattress at the first store, so we decided to leave. On our way out, a second salesman jumped out of his chair and came over and told us that $949.99 price was a special Labor Day price (even though it was the weekend after Labor Day.) He said that after today, the price would go back up to it's pre-Labor Day price of $1049.99. But, he told us if we made a $40 deposit on the bed, he could lock in the $949.99 price. With the price locked in, we could think about it and decide later, and if we decided we didn't want the bed, he'd return the deposit.

"Why do you need $40 to lock in the price?" I asked.

He didn't say, but insisted it was the only thing that would allow him to lock in the $949.99 price. Without the deposit, the price would go back up to $1,049.99 and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"It's no obligation to you" he insisted, "and it's a free $100 if you decide to buy the bed. And who doesn't want $100? Right? I don't know about you, but if someone offered me a hundred dollars, I'd take it."

Cindy was fighting laughter and walking out, but I thought I'd give the salesman a last word, "Yeah, but as long as that $1,650 discount off the suggested retail price is locked in, I think we're ok."

...

The beautifully symmetrical picture at the top of this post is from the third store---which was the most high end. We didn't get much attention from the salespeople there because they were busy hunting bigger game. The couple on the left was testing out $5,000 adjustable beds and had the attention of the young salesman. Another older couple in the front was also testing out $5,000 beds and had the attention of the older saleswoman.

In the middle of the picture you can see a woman testing out a bed by laying on it, and this seemed to be the standard way to test beds. At all three stores, I noticed that everyone was testing the beds by laying on them. 

This was the most surprising aspect of the mattress shopping trip. Everyone was testing the beds by laying on them, but no one was testing them out by simulating sexual moves.

We live in such a puritanical society. I bet Germans get completely naked and have sex on the bed before buying. And even after orgasm, a German man might say, "Eh, it was ok. I think we're gonna shop around some more."


(We ended up buying from the store with the Yelp discount. (Great bed, by the way.))

quickie

Siri is useless.

The only thing she's good for is switching her language to German and having a pretend conversation during which you ask questions using made up German sounding words that she'll answer in actual German.

(In theory, Siri could be useful while driving, but she rarely understands what's being asked. It's easier to just look away from the road for a couple of seconds and do what you've gotta do, rather than explain something to Siri five or six times.)

...

This list of executed offenders on the Texas Department of Criminal Justice website fascinates me. I check it like a blog. Some of the appeal is that I'm undecided on the death penalty. But that's not what hooked me.

I first like to read the death row inmate's personal info and criminal history, but I only read that because it's a pre-requisite for the main attraction: their last words.

I just find that very intense. It kind of gives me a weird respect for the state of Texas to post that.

Maybe there should be a blog or a book dedicated solely to people's last words.

...

This is a well written article on a very interesting subject. (The changing role of women in society, and how it affects expectations to marry and have kids.)

and this is a pretty good follow-up interview with the author

It kinds of reminds me of Shelby Foote's quote from episode five of the Ken Burns Civil War documentary series,

"The Civil War was the greatest tragedy in the history of America, save women's suffrage."

(It doesn't really remind of that quote)


(Ok it's not a real quote. But wouldn't it be funny if he actually said that?)


(Especially if Burns waited until episode five to use that quote. He presents Foote as this extremely passionate and knowledgeable Civil War expert for four episodes, and all of the sudden after six hours of commentary, he reveals that Foote also happens to be a misogynist.)

...

We went to the Michigan/Northwestern game last month. During halftime Northwestern put on a short ceremony to honor their national champion women's lacrosse team. Not many people were paying attention so the stadium was quiet while the public address announcer read off names of the players as they accepted their championship rings on the 50-yard line. After all of the players had been given their rings and trophies, the PA announcer concluded the ceremony by saying, "So congratulations to the 2011 National Champion Northwestern Women's Lacrosse team!"

The stadium was very quiet, and then suddenly two Michigan fans sitting next to us got up and shouted, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Another Michigan fan sitting a few rows up turned around and told them to shut up and have some respect. And then the two boo'ers got mad and were ready to fight him. It was pretty funny. There is definitely such a thing as sports fans who are too passionate.

Here's a picture.

Remember when I blogged about finding that $100 bill while throwing stuff away during our move? I wanted to find a cool way to spend it, but a week went by and I hadn't come up with anything. So on the train ride to Evanston for the Northwestern/Michigan game, this big black guy walked into our car and held up a sign with what appeared to be his mugshot on it, and then in a loud commanding voice announced, "I am a convicted felon. I am looking for a job. It is difficult to find a job with a felony conviction. I will not to go back to prison, and I will not commit another crime. But until I can find a job, I need money to survive and so I am asking for anything you can spare today. This is not easy for me, I don't like doing this, but I will not commit another crime, so this is what I have to do for now."

Then he held out a little bucket to accept money.

All I had was that fucking hundred.

I took out my wallet and took long look at the hundred, then I grabbed it and started taking it out, and then I stopped and thought to myself, "Man, I wish I was the kind of person who'd give this guy my hundred. But I'm not."

I thought about showing him my wallet and saying, "Look man, all I got is this hundo. Any chance you break this?"

Or maybe just standing up and asking the train, "Can anyone break a hundred?"

But I didn't.

Out of fifty people on that train car, five were black. And four out of those five gave him money. And maybe one of the other forty-five gave him money.


Later that night I was at the stadium and had a few beers in me and was hungry, so I went down to get food, and all I had was the hundo. Being too lazy to walk back up and get smaller bills from Cindy, I spend fucking hundred on nachos. Here's the woman making change.

And then I thought, "Man, this is a Saturday night in America, and I'm here watching America's game with 50,000 fellow Americans. So I'm gonna indulge the American way. I'm going to overeat."

So ten minutes later I came back and got a polish sausage. And then I got a pretzel and a coke. And then I got popcorn. And by the end of the game I felt kind of gross.

...


I liked this song I heard on XRT's local show, and it wasn't on Shazam (which is kind of rare for me), so I googled it. They've got other songs on their website, but I only liked this one. (My computer's speakers don't really pick up the bass, so it's worth plugging in good headphones if you've got'em)

On Occupy Wall St.

The people working on Wall Street are not solely responsible for what is happening to the economy. Human nature is responsible. Instead of focusing on taking power away from the people on Wall Street, we need to focus on becoming a better people.

Penn St.

I read that Penn St. football recruiters are trying to put a positive spin on this whole covering up rapes in the locker-room story by telling recruits, "Hey, listen, I know it's bad that we covered up these rapes, but it let it be an example to you of our program's commitment to winning."

quick

I checked my e-mail after lunch and found two new messages. The first was from a law firm looking for 10 attorneys to do a one-day document review project tomorrow. The second was from the same firm a half hour later saying to stop sending resumes because they found their 10 attorneys.

Now read this extraordinarily--maybe even historically--bad op-ed op-ed.

makes sense

I was texting with a friend today who told me he was going to be very busy preparing for a trial. It was a breach of contract claim, and the two parties were fighting over $10,000.

The case has been ongoing for ten years, and so far the client has paid my friend's firm $200,000 in legal fees.

I know, I know

I know.

I'll be back at some point. My interest in writing hasn't diminished, just my interest in blogging. But it'll come back.

Here are a couple of really quick quickies from stuff read today:

Here's an op-ed on the school of thought that says Facebook should pay us to subscribe.

Speaking of Facebook, here's an article about courts allowing attorneys to serve defendants on Facebook.

And this cartoon kind of reminded me of myself.

I'm moving to a new apartment today, so I'm finding a bunch of random stuff in random places. Two things that jump out:

1) In a big box filled with stuff I rarely use, I found the box for my old smartphone with a few accessories still inside. I was about to toss the entire box, but decided to take a quick look. Inside the box was a small white envelope, and inside the envelope was a $100 bill.

2) I found the package that held all of the warranty information for my three year old MacBook. Unopened. I'll give Apple credit. Their stuff doesn't break. In three years I haven't had a single problem with my Mac. And in just under three years, I've had one small problem with my iPhone 3G. (less than 24 hours after I originally posted this, the right arrow key on my Mac stopped working)


On my last project I had to swipe my ID card five times before I could get into my office.
1 - in the lobby to get into the elevator area
2 - in the elevator to get to my floor
3 - in the elevator bank on my floor to get to the lobby area of the floor
4 - in the lobby area of my floor to get to the circle of offices along the perimeter of the floor
5 - to get into the room with my computer

And this one of the three ridiculous barriers blocking our way in and out of the lobby to the elevator shaft. You have to swipe a building ID card for these barriers to go down.



ARE THESE BARRIERS GOING TO STOP ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO GET INTO THE ELEVATOR TO DO SOMETHING BAD?

The only thing it does in inconvenience the honest people trying to get in and out of the elevator shaft.

If I've taken the trouble to make plans to blow up the building or steal something very valuable from the building, am I not going to be able to bypass that barrier?

There's nothing that barrier can stop.

There is not one thing on this earth that that barrier can stop.

If it can move, then that barrier can't stop it.

I know I've been neglecting my blog

So to those of you who count on this blog for a weekly dose of wonderful prose, I sincerely apologize.

But don't worry, I'll be back. And my prose will be as fucking breathtaking as ever.

quick exchange overheard at the office

The guy sitting next to me brought in some blueberries. The girl next him ate a few and then they had this exchange,


"Yum. Farmers market?"

"No, Costco."

quick bs

I was thinking about buying this t-shirt for the Fourth of July,

Here's a close-up of the label. 

...


Speaking of China, here's a disturbing Vanity Fair article about Chinese state sponsored hacking.

I like Vanity Fair, but one thing that kind of rubbed me the wrong way---something Aaron considers a barometer for publications---was the depth of their Royal family coverage.

Although, I must admit, I've developed a weird interest in the Royal Family because I feel like it would be a pain in the ass to be Prince William. Every time I see pictures of him he's constantly being shuffled from ceremony to ceremony. He's always got a straight face, or maybe a forced smile. He probably has to cheese-dick more than anyone on Earth. Imagine how jealous he must be of his prep school friends who live comparable lives in terms of wealth, but can go out and get drunk without worrying about paparazzi.

And how about this picture of his wife and the Canadian Prime Minister?

The motherfucker looks like he wants to lean in for a kiss.

And then tack on this picture?

Maybe William should keep an eye on the old man---he didn't become Prime Minister of Canada by not being charming.

...


Speaking of stuff I recently read, here is something I wrote three years ago:

It's funny how conservative economic policy is much more rooted in Social Darwinism than that of liberals. And yet I'd bet a testicle that a vast majority of those who don't believe in evolution also consider themselves Conservative.

And here is Ryan Lizza's plagiarism of that line from his article on Michele Bachmann in week's New Yorker:

It is a peculiarity of the current political moment that a politician with a history of pushing sectarian religious beliefs in government has become a hero to a libertarian movement.

Ok, maybe he didn't consciously plagiarize---after all it's been three years since he read my line. (His version is funnier. But in my defense, mine was originally just a comment I left on someone else's blog cut and pasted onto mine because it was so fucking profound.)

I feel like New Yorker profiles on Republican politicians are all similar: they're either negative or---at best---only slightly negative. But for some reason---by some miracle of Republican stupidity---New Yorker reporters always get intimate access to the politicians. In this case Lizza was one of six reporters allowed to fly with Bachmann on her private jet.

How does that happen? What do Bachmann's people imagine the end result to be?? (are they hoping that negative coverage from the New Yorker legitimizes her?)

Here's the basic formula for every Republican profile in the New Yorker:

1) anecdote about reporter meeting the politician
2) short background on parents and childhood
3) short descriptions of moderate right wing influences in adolescent years
4) description of entry into politics
5) detailed descriptions of extreme right wing influences in early adult years
6) random inconsistent / crazy / stupid things they've said
7) explanation of politician's current take on past extreme right wing influences
8) short description of one good thing the politician has done
9) descriptions of the terrible things they're likely to do if elected
10) back to the original anecdote

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE these articles. I read the Boehner article twice (and I thought they actually took a somewhat neutral stance on him---if I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would be, "Look, he's a pro-business Republican and he's got more hands in his pockets than an American wearing cargo pants on a Roman subway, but he's not necessarily a terrible person.")

But that's the best case scenario. Worst case is something like this Bachmann article that pretty much says she's a dumb fanatical liar who might actually be crazy enough to believe she can win a Presidential election by looking as pretty as she can while never straying from the most generic Tea Party rhetoric---which is a fusion of libertarian/borderline-anarchic economics and conservative Christian social policy---and she's only made it this far because no one has taken her seriously.

...


Speaking of Bachmann. There is controversy over this picture of her on the cover of Newsweek because it makes her look crazy.

The headline "The Queen of Rage" probably doesn't help.

Great picture though. I'd love to hear the photographer's story about discovering it.

...

But media is just slanted on the right. The Wall Street Journal is no stranger to extreme and poorly written op-ed pieces; this one from yesterday might be the dumbest op-ed I've ever read.

And not only did that pile of shit somehow find a way to get itself published in the Journal, but it's actually the most read and e-mailed article on their website. I guess that says something about the state of our fucking political discourse.

Article on Bin Laden

Here's a great in-depth article on the Bin Laden assassination

And here are a few quick thoughts on it:

...

Pakistan is one of the top five recipients of American military aid. Yet even though Bin Laden's hideout was in Abbottabad---less than a mile from Pakistan's most prestigious military academy---the article cites a White House senior advisor as saying:

There was a real lack of confidence that the Pakistanis could keep this secret for more than a nanosecond.

It's probably safe to assume that the Bin Ladens weren't living in Abbottabad because Mrs. Bin Laden liked the schools, or because Osama liked their public transportation system.

...

When describing the day of the raid, the author writes:

On the morning of Sunday, May 1st, White House officials cancelled scheduled visits, ordered sandwich platters from Costco, and transformed the Situation Room into a war room.

Costco?

Google maps shows at least 50 delis closer to the White House than the nearest Costco.

Are all of the other delis closed? Does downtown DC completely shut down on Sunday?

You've gotta cross the fucking Potomac to get to that Costco.

And if you're going to Costco, why not have the decency get some rotisserie chickens?

...


The raid happened on May 1st because it was a moonless night that would allow helicopters to fly into Pakistan under the cover of complete darkness. However, as the helicopters reached their destination, a local resident tweeted,

Helicopter hovering above Abbottabad at 1 am (is a rare event).

It would have been funny to see the fallout if it was discovered that Bin Laden escaped because he was tipped off by someone's Tweet. It almost would have been worth Bin Laden getting away if he was tipped off by the Tweet.

...


After reading the initial reports about the raid back in May, I wondered if they could have captured Bin Laden alive.

According to the article, the Navy SEALs had Bin Laden unarmed and motionless---and pretty much cornered---before they shot him. However, the special operations officer being interviewed for the article says, "There was never any question of detaining or capturing him---it wasn't a split-second decision. No one wanted detainees."

Why not?

...


In re: Bin Laden's porn:

“We find it on all these guys, whether they’re in Somalia, Iraq, or Afghanistan.”

Just tell us what it is.

I don't want to watch it. I really don't.

I'm just curious to know what it is. Is it middle eastern women in bur-qua's with hairy middle eastern men? Or is it big-chested bleached blondes with musclebound American men? Or is it guys dressed like Santa Claus using vibrators on farm animals?

Just tell us what it is.

The American people want to know.

(do the American people have a right to know?)

...


During the mission, it was agreed that the codeword "Geronimo" would be used by the SEALs to signify that Bin Laden had been found. After killing Bin Laden, the SEAL who fired the shot reported on his radio,

"For God and country---Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo. E.K.I.A." --- "enemy killed in action."

"For God and country" -- An interesting metaphor for religion and nationalism.

Man, I've really been neglecting this blog.

What % are your g-mail mailboxes full?

Mine is 25%.

...

As I was about to start on some tangent about g-mail mailboxes, Cindy got a text. But Cindy is at Nania's bridal shower, and her phone sitting here on the table next to me.

The text was from an unidentified number, and it said,

Don't forget to email me how much I owe and then I can send you a check asap!!! Thanks again Cindy for all your hardworking on this wknd!

Safe to assume it's a friend of Nania's in from out of town for the bachelorette party last night.

I can also see the previous text from the same number received at midnight last night that said:

Hey Cindy, I didn't chip in for nan's drinks before I left. Please let me know how much I owe for that tomorrow. Sorry abut that!!

(Cindy didn't respond)

The only other text in their conversation was from the other girl 3:31pm yesterday saying:

In the cab nearby, I think! ;$

(I don't know what kind of face  ;$  is supposed to be. I googled it and got the rare, "Your search - ;$ - did not match any documents." 


Since Cindy hadn't responded to either of the previous texts from this girl, I thought maybe I should reply just to acknowledge that Cindy received the them.

So what should I respond? For some reason, the first thought that popped into my head was:

Fo shizzle

Then it struck me that it's possibile that this girl might not know what "Fo shizzle" means.

If Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to his friend reminding him to send him a bill, and the friend replied with a letter that simply said "Fo shizzle" would Jefferson have any idea what it meant?

It ain't the King's.

At this point I had built "Fo shizzle" up enough to where I wanted to know if this girl knew what "Fo shizzle" meant, so I sent the text.


How did "Fo shizzle" even sneak its way into my pretentiously un-pretentious vernacular?

I remember Snoop Dog saying stuff like that. There was one particular instance of it on Chapelle's show that probably made it stick with Cindy and I. (I think it had to be because my next instinct after typing "Fo shizzle" was to follow it with "My nizzle" --- which is what he said on the show.)

I googled "Fo shizzle." 

It turns out that Snoop probably got from E-40, which makes sense because E-40 is pretty much the Pied Piper of Slang. I remember enjoying watching E-40 interviews on Rap City when I was a kid, but I didn't like his music, so I'd tune in for the interview, and then flip the channel after a minute of the song. Maybe Snoop did too.  

Just as I finished writing this, the girl responded,

Thx!!!

I guess she must have been watching E-40 interviews too.

...


Marginally related note. I just finished reading Seal Team Six by Howard Wasdin last week. (It was pretty good.) At one point he's telling a story about a black guy saying to another black guy, "Nigga please."

But instead of spelling out Nigga with the "a" at the end, Wasdin---who is white---wrote, "Nigger please."

That had to be discussed at the editing table, right?

Healthcare

A few Sundays ago my dad awoke feeling nauseated. My mom assumed it was a hangover from the six tequila shots he drank night before---probably the most he’s drank in my lifetime---but my dad disagreed. My dad drinks once or twice a week, but rarely more than two beers, so he has probably forgotten the pain of a real hangover. As a result he checked his blood pressure that morning and found it was higher than normal and decided to visit his primary care physician.

His PCP referred him to a specialist, and the specialist told him he had suffered a minor heart attack. My dad couldn't believe it.

My dad has never had a heart attack, but the heart-attack-conducive temperament runs in his family. And although he has improved his diet and takes a cholesterol lowering medication, he wasn't exactly exercising regularly and eating grilled chicken salads every night either, so the possibility of him having a heart attack at 70 wasn't completely unreasonable. (But to this day, he insists he didn’t have one.)

The specialist suggested inserting a stent into one of my dad’s arteries to keep it clear and prevent future heart attacks. He recommended my dad stay at the hospital overnight and undergo a simple outpatient procedure (requiring only local anesthetic) the next day.

My dad was skeptical, but the doctor strongly recommended the stent, as did my mom---who may have just wanted the peace and quiet of having my dad out of the house for 24 hours---so he agreed. My dad stayed at the hospital that night and had the procedure the next day. He has been fine ever since, and has even started exercising regularly.

My dad's hospital bill was $120,000, and since he’s 70, it was covered by Medicare.

According to the CIA factbook (which I highly recommend for random perusal) our GDP per capita is $47,000. For the sake of extreme oversimplification, let's say the average retired American made $50,000/year, paid 12% payroll taxes and worked for 45 years. And lets say payroll taxes were split 50/50 between Medicare and Social Security. And lets give him the $50k salary for all 45 years to adjust for inflation.

If we assume my dad is an average American, he contributed $135,000 to Medicare in his life. Add a $150/month premium for the last five years, and his lifetime contribution is still only $149,000. And thanks to the wonders of modern medicine---the effectiveness of which has been accelerated by our readiness to pay top dollar for it---he has a long retirement full of modern medicine consumption ahead of him.

I read an article last week citing studies suggesting that doctors tend to overuse stents. I'm not suggesting that my dad's doctor unnecessarily gave him a stent, but the $120,000 price tag on the operation probably didn’t dissuade him.

The threat of malpractice litigation should ensure that a doctor won’t do anything that may potentially harm my dad. But what about doing something that is unlikely to harm him, but is also unnecessary?

No one in our case is complaining. If the stent decreases my dad's chances of a heart attack by .01% without any adverse effects, then my dad, me, the doctor, the nurse who works for the doctor, the hospital, the stent manufacturer, the steakhouse next door to the stent manufacturer’s office, the former owner of the doctor’s new lake house, the attorneys for all parties, the accountants for all parties, and everyone else through whom this money passes are all glad he has it.

Is perceived productivity the same as productivity?

quick note on Weinergate

Which married Democrat politician’s act was worse?

Elliot Spitzer (having sex with prostitutes)

Bill Clinton (receiving fellatio from—and inserting cigar into—an intern)

Anthony Weiner (sending lewd pictures of himself to women he never met)

My wife thinks Clinton’s was the worst. She didn’t like that Clinton fornicated with a woman who worked for him, she thought the cigar stuff was weird, and she didn’t like that he would take that kind of risk while in office (the Iraq war doesn’t happen if Clinton kept his pants on.)

But I’ll say this. If one of those guys is least likely to reconcile with his wife, there’s a school of thought that says it’s Weiner.

here's an example of what's gonna get him,

Imagine Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws. Imagine being one of those three men and sitting at the table with your wife and her extended family. Imagine turning to the right and seeing your wife’s father. And then imagine looking into the old man’s eyes as he passes you the cranberry sauce.

If you’re Clinton or Spitzer, the old man looks at you and he hates you for what you’ve done, he hates you for what you’ve put his daughter through, and he hates that you couldn’t exhibit self control. But he is a man, and as a man he can understand your instinct. Some men can control those instincts better than others. But for what it’s worth, at least he’ll understand the instinct.

But if you’re Weiner, that old man looks into your eyes and he’s probably thinking about those pictures, and he’s probably wondering, “Why did this guy—a public figure, a United States Congressman with aspirations to be Mayor of New York—send out naked pictures of himself? Is he crazy? What was he getting out of it? What kind of fucking weirdo is this? I just can’t relate to that shit.”

That being said, Weiner is pretty funny.

And that being said, I've been reading about Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. The guy makes Anthony Weiner look like Pat Robertson.

Game Face

A reminder of why I like to watch competitive sports.

Where else do people make faces like this?

Friendster

I received this e-mail today:

Hi there, Cyrus! 

We noticed you haven't exported your Friendster profile. 

You may have heard that an exciting new Friendster is coming soon. Your favourite games and the friends you have been playing with will continue to be there. However, data such as your account profile, photos, messages, blogs and shoutouts won't be. To save all your personal data, the Exporter app is here to help you. Since many users are still in the process of exporting their data, the Exporter app will be available for an additional month, until June 27. If you need help on how to use the Exporter app, head over to the Friendster Help Page. 

Regards, 

Your friends at Friendster 

I feel sorry for Friendster. They came out before Facebook, but while Mark Zuckerberg has been the subject of an Academy Award winning biopic and his name mentioned alongside that of Bill Gates, I'd imagine that Jonathan Abrams couldn't use his status as the founder of Friendster to get a table at a crowded Denny's.

And to add insult to injury, on the right side of the e-mail I got from Friendster, there was a button I could press that would allow me to share the e-mail on Facebook.

More on Bin Laden

So they found Bin Laden's porn stash. (NSFW)

Ok, they didn't really find that particular site, but here's a real story about Bin Laden's porn stash from the Tribune. Unfortunately, U.S. officials didn't release any details about Bin Laden's tastes other than to say that his collection was modern and extensive.

I disagree with our government's on this decision on this. If they don't want to show us a picture of his carcass, fine. I don't need to see that. But at least have the common courtesy to give us the details about his porn collection. There's no disrespect in that.

You can tell a lot about a man by his porn.

And you can tell a lot about a society by its porn.

In case you didn't click on the site to which I linked above, it is called "Old Farts and Young Tarts."

And if you scroll down to the bottom of their homepage, you can see listings of its partner sites along with their descriptions and a picture from each. Here are a few (I am NOT making these up:)

Rimbledon - "The rectum is a male's most sensitive area. Combine this with the softness of a tongue and the smoothness of saliva and you can see why it's so much fun." (The picture accompanying this description is of two pant-less men sitting spread-eagle on a coffee table while a woman in lingere licks the first guy's asshole.) (I specify that they're "pantless" because they're both still wearing their shirts and sneakers)

In case you're not into watching half dressed men getting their assholes licked, maybe you'll like,

Creamed on Glasses - "When a secretary is looking for a job at our company, she has to pass a special job interview. These girls aren't dumb and know very well what the men talk about..." (The picture accompanying this description is of a girl with a dick on her tongue and a dick on each eye (the dicks on the eyes slide in underneath her glasses.))

But if you're not turned on by watching girls in glasses getting gangbanged, maybe you'll like,

Sleep Surprise - "Just look at her sleeping so quietly and serene, now I can take a closer look... She has such delicious titties and a horny pussy, you don't think she'll notice if I slip my hard cock inside her, will she?" (The picture accompanying this description is of a topless girl lying on her back---apparently sleeping---while a pantless, hairy legged man puts his erection on her closed mouth.)

Not into the rape-wakeup call? Well, then maybe you'll like,

Peeing Games - "Is there a more horny way to polish your fuck off then by having a pee... preferably over each other? In peeinggames you see it happening! Hot girls sucking, fucking and pissing, all in close up!" (The picture accompanying this description is of a woman in a bikini sitting on a park bench looking up at a fully dressed man who is pulling his dick out through the zipper of his jeans and holding it with a rubber glove while peeing on her face.)

Not turned on by watching men excrete on women? Maybe you'll like,

Holey Fuck - "Girls on the road always have to take bathroom breaks... Sounds familiar right? Let's just slide the boner through a hole in the wall of the women's toilet and see how the girl inside reacts..." (The picture accompanying this description is of a pantless woman on a toilet looking surprised to see an erection poking into the bathroom through a hole in the wall next to the toilet paper dispenser.)

I was curious to see how they would react, so I clicked on the link to check it out.

When I got on the site, I saw that it had thumbnail previews to several scenes, and it didn't take long to figure out that the scenes all followed a similar formula:

Picture 1 --- A conservatively dressed woman walks into a gas station bathroom.

Picture 2 --- She sits on the toilet and minds her own business.

Picture 3 --- She is surprised to see an erection stick out through a hole in the wall.

Picture 4 --- She is either rubbing or sucking on the erection as it sticks out through the hole in the wall.

Picture 5 --- She is actually having sex with the erection that sticks out through the hole in the wall.

(Optional) Picture 6 --- There are actually two holes in the wall, and the woman services erections coming out of each. (P.Inc.)


So I guess my question is:  Does this stuff work? Are these sites viewed for masturbatory purposes? Or just laughs?

On Bin Laden

Did the Navy Seal who killed Bin Laden get yelled at by his boss for not capturing him alive?

I read that Bin Laden's wife was in the room with him when he was shot, and that she was shot in the leg and taken alive. Any chance they could have done that to Sammy too? I would have rather seen Bin Laden in U.S. custody than see him dead.

(I'm not faulting the guy for killing him, I'm just saying, if he had a choice..)

...

And is Burial at Sea really a Muslim tradition?

I did some research on Muslim burial tradition for this post in January of 2007, and I remember reading that the body was supposed to be bathed and then buried within 24 hours. I don't recall reading anything about the carcass needing to be dumped into the ocean.

...

Donald Trump has been doing a lot of Obama bashing lately, and it bothered Obama enough to where he fired back at the White House Corespondents' dinner.

So Sunday night Cindy and I were sitting in front of the TV, and she flipped to NBC just as the opening credits started rolling for Celebrity Apprentice. I looked at Cindy and said, "There's no way I'm going to sit here and watch an entire episode of Celebrity Apprentice."

(I had never watched one before. I saw half of one a couple of weeks ago)

So 50 minutes later, they're in the boardroom and it's high drama about who is going to be fired. Cindy and I thought it was either going to be Hope (the 2010 Playboy Playmate of the Year) or Nene (a former Real Housewives cast member, whose angry rants I enjoyed imitating throughout the show.) We were going back and forth, our instincts said Hope because she was quiet and didn't cause any drama and men who may have been tuning in to watch her for masturbatory purposes had probably lost interest long ago, whereas keeping Nene on would guarantee Trump another week of shouting matches and drama. But then maybe Trump would surprise everyone and fire Nene..

Like I said, it was high drama.

So just minutes before the end of the show, right when Trump was about to say some last words before making his decision, what happens? NBC cuts to coverage of the Bin Laden announcement. And Obama didn't even give his speech for almost another hour.

So my question is this---and I'm serious---did someone in that administration tell the networks to cut out at 9:50 knowing that Obama wasn't ready to give his speech, just to fuck Trump's spotlight?

I honestly believe the answer to that question is Yes.

...

Speaking of Celebrity Apprentice, say what you want about the contestants not being celebrities, but I've heard of 13 of the 16 contestants on the show. (I'd never heard of Nene, Hope, or John Rich)

John Rich is a country music singer who wears a big cowboy hat at all times during the show, and he was one half of the team that help millions of teenage boys south of the Mason Dixon line get laid with this song.

...

Speaking of country music:  country musicians today are not afraid to be as sexual as hip hop and 80's rock.

Connors and I went through the iTunes top ten singles last week, and 9 out of 10 were about sex.

The Royal Wedding

Here's a quick highlight video.

Fast forward to about 2:05 when the prince is reciting his vows and says "For richer or poorer"

You can see the bride smile right after hearing him say that---as if maybe she wants to laugh.

Is this the biggest wedding in the history of the world?

Have some respect for your people and take the "For richer or poorer" line out of the vows.

"In sickness and in health" yeah, leave that part in. They will be get sick someday.

But "For richer or poorer"?

Instead, how about "Whether the monarchy lives on or we are just filthy---just absolutely fucking filthy---rich civilians"

looking for a job?

If you're an attorney and looking for a job in Chicago, let me know because I just quit mine.

It was way too much work in an area where I have absolutely no interest. It was essentially document and data management to the absolute extreme. (I'll write about it in more detail later.) The money just wasn't enough of a motivating factor to make me want to spend a vast majority of my waking hours fully engaged in it.

I knew all of this going in, but I was so curious to see that I had to try it. Lesson learned.

So I am now unemployed and face to face with the question that I seem to want to avoid: What exactly am I looking for?

All I know is that it wasn't anything that could have ever come out of that job.

They respected me for leaving when I did. I could have hung around and milked some big paychecks for a couple of months before getting fired, but they really need help and I didn't want to screw them over, so I left on pretty good terms. They asked if I knew anyone who might be interested in the job.

That being said, I wouldn't recommend this to anyone unless they either 1) have a very serious passion for patent litigation, or 2) are in dire need of money.

so...

I'm starting a new job tomorrow. Here are the pro's and cons:

Pros:
- more responsibility
- more challenging
- potential for advancement
- more money

Cons:
- more responsibility
- more challenging
- potential for advancement
- more hours (and more work expected per hour)

I'm curious to see how I respond in an intense work environment. Maybe I'll like it, maybe I won't, but I guess there's only one way to find out...

Wish me luck!!

I think this would be funny

Imagine being in a band. Imagine that your band gets signed to a small record label, puts out an album, and tours locally. Your band gets the attention of a big famous band like Metallica, and Metallica asks you to be the opening act on their upcoming tour.

The problem with opening for a band like Metallica is that almost everyone in the audience loves Metallica more than any other band. Metallica fans pay a lot of money to see them, and they all probably want your band to hurry up and finish your set and get the hell off the stage as quickly as possible so they can see their favorite band.

So during your first show opening for Metallica, you have a few of your friends in the crowd, and after your set is finished, your friends cheer wildly. No one hears them or cares because the lights come on and the crowd is so excited to see you leave the stage that they start cheering because they're finally going to get to see Metallica.

Your band leaves the stage, but hears the cheering from your friends and the rest of the fans excited about seeing Metallica. So maybe because you think they're all cheering for you, or maybe just as a "fuck you", you decide to come out and play an encore.