Credit Card Roulette

Here is my advice for those of you considering settling bar tabs by playing credit card roulette:

Don't lose.

State of my Blogroll

I started a new contract project last week. The interesting thing about this one is that the internet on our computers is blocked -- except for two sites: CNN and WebMD (insert your own joke here.) There are about 30 of us in the room and two shared computers that have full internet access for those who want to take a break and surf the web or check e-mail for a few minutes.

One would assume that our internet is blocked to increase productivity, but it actually turns out to be counterproductive because most people end up surfing the web on their phones.

The shared computers are directly to my left, so I can see what people are doing. For the most part there's nothing interesting -- most people just check their e-mail. One highlight was watching a girl check fantasy football.

Another highlight was yesterday when a guy logged into Blogger and edited a post on a blog called Reel Nerds.

I asked him about it and he told me that he and his friends love movies and use their blog to post reviews. He said he was editing a post because one of his friends -- who is a good writer otherwise -- always mixes up "you're" with "your", and "there" with "their", and "it's" with "its".

"Why don't you just tell him?"

"Yeah, I know, but he's really sensitive about this stuff, and I don't think he'd take it well."

Weird.

I didn't press him on it, but I wanted to.

Regardless, I read his blog on my phone for the next half hour and enjoyed the reviews. (although I think they're giving a bit too much credit to Gran Torino.) I'm just going to spoil the ending of Gran Tornio right here so that others don't have to sit through it. In the end, Clint Eastwood gets all of the bad guys to kill him so that they'll get sent to prison and won't be able to bother his neighbor anymore.

Trust me, that was for your own good.

So anyway, I'm adding Reel Nerds to my blogroll. (And in terms of publicity; being added to my blogroll is one step below being a guest on Oprah.)

My blogroll is in a pretty sad state. I hardly know anyone who blogs anymore. I've got half a mind to drop Hansen's blog and add this one, which is basically just baby pictures posted by a guy I barely know. But some of the pics have pretty cool scenery, and he seems like a good enough guy, so it's an option. I just keep Hansen's blog on the blogroll because of the V-Day post.

And how about Oprah leaving Chicago? Crazy.

Chicago is known for two things: R. Kelly and Oprah.

Now what?

I took this picture today from inside the bathroom stall in my office building

But then what am I supposed to do with my shit and piss?

Profoundity

Cindy had just administered a personality test on her cousin Selena. This was their exchange while going over the results

Selena: (somewhat sadly) I think I'm selfish..

Cindy: No, you just have such a high standard of selflessness that every little thing you do for yourself makes you feel selfish.

These are the notes I took in my phone while listening to a podcast of an immigration debate:

You've gotta give credit to the people who go out there and argue in favor of deporting undocumented immigrants; because they have to frame their arguments in such delicate terms in order to avoid sounding racist or arrogant towards poor immigrants.

A guy just said, “Allowing immigrants to enter the US at an unregulated rate could potentially cripple our public schools and healthcare system due to a sudden increase in demand.”

Translation: “Do you really want a bunch of uneducated Mexicans coming into this country and multiplying at triple the rate of whites and Asians?”

...

The first guy arguing in favor of opening up the borders was also speaking carefully when he said, “immigrants have made us a prosperous, dynamic and free country.”

Translation: “Without immigrants; many you people who consider yourselves middle class, would actually be lower class.”

...

I have never seen a Mexican American beggar.

...

Should the argument be that immigration law should somehow reflect the amount of unskilled workers we need?

...

Another delicately spoken quote from one of the panelists in favor of less stringent immigration policies, “We need to open our borders in order to encourage a circular flow. Studies have shown that 80% of Mexican immigrants returned to Mexico, but due to increased enforcement, they now chose to stay in the U.S. for the duration of their lives due to the difficulty of getting back in.”

Translation, “We don’t want a bunch of old Mexicans here. If they’re gonna be here, it might as well be while they’re young and able to work.”

...

Mexican Americans are different from most African Americans because they chose to come to here.

Mexican Americans are different from Asian Americans because they didn’t have to get on a plane to get to here.

...

Actual quote from a different guy in support of less stringent enforcement at the Mexican border – arguing that the money spent there should be spent on more pressing national security concerns:

“The terrorists came in through the front door, and meanwhile we’re sending our resources down there to catch dishwashers and roofers.”

...

Later, the same guy says this while making a similar argument:

“We’ve got terrorists enrolling in flight schools, and meanwhile the government’s using its resources to go after yardsmen and maids and janitors.”

...

Then later, one of the men in favor of strict enforcement of immigration laws argues that part of the rationale behind strict immigration law at all borders is to make sure that “critical American infrastructure remains secure.”

And then the same guy who made the “yardsmen” quote rebuts by saying, “Hey, I like McDonald’s, but it’s not a critical infrastructure that needs to be secure.”

...

My opinion is that immigrants have made this country great, and they are going to come into this country whether it is legal or not, so we might as well save our money on extreme enforcement, and document them so they can start paying taxes.

random BS, because the other post I wrote almost sounds racist so I'm gonna look at it again before I post it, even though it is ABSOLUTELY not racist

I have a pirated copy of Microsoft Word, and I feel guilty about it. But not quite guilty enough to put a check in the mail.

...

“Eachother” is not a word?

I don’t know why, but I’ve always used “eachother” as a word. But Microsoft Word’s spell checker underlines it in red. Sometimes I change it, sometimes I ignore it. But I wonder if eventually I’ll just give in and start changing it every time.

...

Something to think about if you're considering making the switch from a PC to a MAC: if you're really good with shortcuts on your PC keyboard, be prepared to part with a lot of them.

I'm not saying not to switch, but I'm just warning you to prepare for the withdrawal so it doesn’t hit you as hard as it’s hit me.

I really hit rock bottom earlier this week when Cindy suggested a faster way for me to move something around in Excel.

CINDY PARK was telling ME how to move something around in EXCEL!!

I wanted to say to her, "Bitch, I was writing macros without a mouse in standing room only Fortune 100 conference rooms back when you were going to frat parties."

"I used to tell people with heart conditions to look away while I formatted text in Word.”

“I was making spreadsheets so fucking beautiful and symmetrical that a group of them were considered for a seasonal exhibit at the Art Institute.”

(And that last one is not far from the truth.)

(The only thing separating it from the truth is simply me approaching the Art Institute with a few of my spreadsheets seven years ago.)

(So the departure from truth does not effect the impact of the statement.)

(So just read the statement as being true.)

So anyway. Be prepared to lose a lot of that skill and have to relearn it. But don't let that stop you from switching. (So I guess I really don't have much of a point here other than to prepare you for something that you probably don't need to be prepared for.)

(So, sorry for making you read that)

…

The contract attorney lifestyle is not something I ever expected to live.

I had an “interview” with an agency yesterday that was scheduled to go from 11:00 – 11:15 at a Caribou Coffee on Michigan Avenue.

And it didn’t even last until 11:15.

It didn't even last until 11:05.

The interviewer should have just cut the pleasantries and said, "Listen, the only reason we have to meet in person is so I can check your identification and make sure you match the face so that you can't send some desperate law student in to do your job and then tax them 50% of the pay."

And I would have responded, "Trust me, I've thought about that more than you or anyone you know. And I'm not going to do it; but your checking of my ID has absolutely nothing to do with why I'm not doing it."

It goes without saying that at some point I need to develop some kind of skill that will allow me to earn a living.

Nothing I've ever said could have gone without saying more than that.

…

I’ve been eating Indian food less.

Food that is spicy going in, is also going to be a little spicy coming out.

The air in Mumbai actually smells different from the air in the US – it’s unmistakable. And I think part of it might actually have to do with people’s shit and gas.

…

I searched the web for something about the smell in Mumbai and ended up reading someone’s blog entry from last year. I was about to comment, but first clicked a link to read the blog’s latest entry and saw that it hadn’t been updated in over a year. It was kind of sad find a dead blog.

…

Snob in a Restaurant:

(After seeing 15 different entrees listed on the menu)

Me – (to the waitress) Do you have any menus with subheadings?

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I’d love to meet a white guy with a Chinese Accent.

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My friend’s girlfriend broke up with him at a concert because he aggressively fondled a girl while she was body-surfing.

I asked him why he did it so blatantly and he said, “I don't know man. I think I uncovered a whole new side of me.”