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I'm helping Cindy look for a wedding planner... and if I'm not done soon, I will hang myself, and then Cindy will be looking for a funeral planner.

And I'm going to want black chair covers at my funeral, and a full bar, and passed out appetizers, and a nice platinum-lined oak casket (with a name like "The Ambassador") (I've always thought that would make a great name for a casket)

And I definitely don't want my funeral in a place that holds other funerals at the same time. No "funeral mill" for me. I want my carcass to be the only one in the building. That's all I ask.

And I want to be buried naked. I want to go out the way I came in.

And I want a lot of flowers. Enough flowers so I can smell them all the way from Hell.