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I'm helping Cindy look for a wedding planner... and if I'm not done soon, I will hang myself, and then Cindy will be looking for a funeral planner.

And I'm going to want black chair covers at my funeral, and a full bar, and passed out appetizers, and a nice platinum-lined oak casket (with a name like "The Ambassador") (I've always thought that would make a great name for a casket)

And I definitely don't want my funeral in a place that holds other funerals at the same time. No "funeral mill" for me. I want my carcass to be the only one in the building. That's all I ask.

And I want to be buried naked. I want to go out the way I came in.

And I want a lot of flowers. Enough flowers so I can smell them all the way from Hell.

short

The only thing that I hate, is to hate.

You know it's time to tighten our borders when...

I call my bank and have to press "2" to hear the menu options in English.

I hate bugs

I hate bugs. I really do.

To the point where I actually wanted to torture a bug yesterday.

And I stand behind my reasons -- one of which was deterrence.

I actually talked to Cindy last night about torturing a bug.

And trust me, the conversation was much more than just, "I want to torture a bug."

Poem (flashback)

If a picture is worth a thousand words,

then one of my short poems is worth a thousand pictures.

And my prose?

Don't even get me started on my prose...

Let me just put it this way brother:

My prose can make grown men cry, and babies stop crying.

A man once compared me to Shakespeare,

and you know what I said to him?

I said, "My mother used to read me Shakespeare when I was a toddler. And you know what I said to her? I said, 'Mom, enough of this kiddie stuff. Read me my first edition of "Goodbye, Columbus"... or is Roth's prose too fucking beautiful and delicate for you to handle at this hour?'"

quote

NPR recently hosted a debate on steroid use in sports.

The following quote is taken from that debate:

"To say that we should reduce drugs in sport -- or eliminate them -- because they increase performance is simply like saying we should eliminate alcohol from parties because it increases sociability."

Julian Savulescu