this kind of stuff isn't for everyone

I was about to get into the shower yesterday when I realized that my fingernails were getting a bit long. I was already naked at that point, so I had a decision to make. I could...

1) Stand in the bathroom naked and cut my fingernails
2) Put my underwear back on, sit down, and cut my fingernails
3) Sit on the toilet naked and cut my fingernails

I went with option #3. Sitting on the toilet is by no means uncomfortable, and I'm not one of those guys who likes to hang out naked, so I figured it'd be nice to sit around naked for a few minutes. A little dry naked time would probably be therapeutic for me. After sitting on the toilet for a minute or so, I felt something happening, next thing I knew I felt a piece of shit coming down the pipe, and just like that the turd dropped cleanly into the toilet.

What a pleasant surprise that was!

Normally, I only take dumps when I know I have go. So generally speaking, within the first five seconds after my asscheeks have touched the toilet seat, you can bet your last dollar that there will be at least one turd in the water. So imagine my surprise when this piece of shit decided to nonchalantly make its way out of my asshole without warning.

I didn't even realize it, but in my excitement, I had stopped clipping my fingernails to ponder what had just happened. I resumed the nail clipping and next thing I knew, I felt another turd making its way through the anal canal. Another two pieces came out!

This had just gone from lounging on a toilet seat naked, to a surprise little turd, to a full-fledged dump!

This has pretty much changed my way of thinking about life.

Is this how other people shit? Do they just pick a time, decide to sit down for however long it takes and wait for shit to come out? Do any of you shit this way?

This is mind blowing!


**I wasn't even going to post this entry, but what's funnier than all of this, is that I went on Wikipedia to double check whether it is indeed the "anal canal" that leads to the asshole. Under the Wikipedia entry for "Anus", there is actually a PICTURE of a male AND female asshole. Not a diagram, a photograph! The man's asshole is all hairy, you can see his taint (or as many of you may call it, the "conch") and the bottom part of his scrotum. The woman's is kind of nasty, it looks like her pussy lips are actually going right up to - and perhaps into - her asshole.

flight

Are the terrorists winning? (see Hansen’s comment to my last post)

I flew out to San Jose a couple of weekends ago. To give myself enough time to get through the security checkpoints, I left my apartment three hours before takeoff. I guess I could have spent some of that time working. Since I'm paid hourly, that wasted time actually cost me money, but for those who have real jobs, that wasted time also means lost productivity.

No matter how often I stand in the security line at O’Hare, it never ceases to entertain. Watching a grown man standing amid the chaos of a busy airport in his socks, hurrying to put his belt back on in front of hundreds of people, while other shoeless/belt-less travelers wait to pass through the metal detector behind him is about all it takes to keep me entertained.

As I waited in line, I watched a mother with three small kids approach the metal detector. Her two boys appeared to be twins - five years old at most. The third, a daughter, was young enough to be carried by her mother. As the mother struggled to remove her shoes and hold the baby at the same time, her twins eagerly waited to pass through the metal detector. They were waiting because the security guard in charge of their line was helping the guard in the next line determine what item on the middle-aged barefoot business woman to our left was setting off the metal detector. Unable to resolve the problem, he instructed the other guard to call for help, and returned to our line. When he returned, the twins immediately ran through the metal detector together.

“WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!!” shouted the security guard. He extended his arms out to both sides, grabbed the two boys, and made them walk back to their mother. “One at a time guys, One at a time!”

I’m certainly not about to say anything remotely profound here, but, if the terrorists decide to attack us again THEY’RE NOT GOING TO USE THE EXACT SAME METHOD THEY USED LAST TIME!!!

How much money are we putting into airport security?

Maybe these terrorists are smarter than we give them credit for.

Imagine the opportunity cost of the time spent in airport security lines. Or the cost of all the items that have been confiscated in these lines. Or the cost of my evachute.

How do we decide who wins and loses a war? I was talking to this German guy a few months ago – he was born/raised in Germany but moved to the US for his job. I asked him about World War II. How do the Germans teach it? What happened in WWII? The first thing he said was,

“The Soviets lost over 20 million people in that war!”

He’s right, kills don’t lie.

quick idea

here's a quick idea, and I may have mentioned this on here before. With the whole "green" movement going on and the push to conserve energy, how about taxing people who put up Christmas lights?

review

We took my mom to see Tony n' Tina's Wedding this weekend. Some of her co-workers said it was entertaining, and it has been running for 13 years, so we assumed that it would be a good show.

It was terrible. I couldn't believe how bad it was. It boggled my mind that it has been running for 13 years! Has anyone else seen it?