Wine Whining

I just read two articles about wine. First, this one -- probably not worth reading, but I’ve got time -- explains a hypothesis that a certain ingredient in red wine might help to offset some of the negative effects of a high calorie diet in humans because it does so in mice. But the mice were given a very high dosage of the ingredient, so humans would have to drink ~1,500 bottles of red wine a day to get the same amount that the mice were given in the experiment. (but nonetheless, there’s hope for us)

The second article was more entertaining. The Chicago Tribune recently gave out its “good eats” awards. One of the sections was on wine -- specifically discussing the invasion of low priced Australian wine. It also had reviews of some Aussie wines.

Like most recreational wine drinkers my age, I've had my fair share of Yellow Tail Shiraz, so I skimmed the other reviews and went straight to that one. Here it is, unedited.

2005 Yellow Tail Shiraz

Produced by Casela Wines in South Eastern Australia, this best-selling wine has a peppery berry aroma cooled by a hint of mint. The flavor is simple and sweet but the finish is astringent. Serve with pepperoni pizza, grilled cheese on multi-grain bread.

Two Corks, $6.

Why do wine critics feel the need to write such ridiculous things?

“Ridiculous” isn’t enough. Why do wine critics feel the need to write bizarre things like that?

Grilled cheese on multi-grain bread?

As I write this I’ve come to the conclusion that this review, and all others like it, are just part of an ongoing joke amongst wine critics. A wine critic for the LA Times probably reads that Yellowtail review and calls over his co-workers to look at it, “Hey, they really snuck a great one into the Tribune today, look at this!”

Well guess what Wine Reviewers of America... We Know! Ok, we know it's all bullshit. When most people drink wine, all they care about is how quickly it gets them drunk, how hungover they are the next day, and how purple it turns their teeth.

Wife: Honey, I made grilled cheese for dinner, can you open some wine?

Husband: Sure, I’ll be right back. (brings the wine, a 2005 Ravenswood Cabernet, opens it)

Wife: What the hell is this?

Husband: You said grilled cheese right?

Wife: Yeah, but I made it on multi-grain bread!

Husband: What a waste of good wine. (as he dumps the bottle down the drain)